To a sunrise

I woke up at dawn this morning, unconsiously checking messages in my cellphone. Then I remember the obituary last night.
On my bed, with my eyes open and the room was still dark, I thought of you. Or more of me. Particularly when I said “I’ll make it up to you.” The promise that easier said than done, because we’re human and we always race with time.
It stroke me hard. Apparently, I don’t have all the time in the world. Then I’d rather blame this spacious world. It takes time to get me to your side. And money. And all the efforts to move this lazy bum.
I never managed to make it up to you. I didn’t try hard enough though. Part of me hesitated, are you worth the effort? Do you really want me to make it up to you?

Alone, it gets me to a deeper thinking. I do really want to make it up to you. Doesn’t matter how many times you let it down. Doesn’t matter you appear and dissappear without logic. You should be the one called by Rainbow, because rainbow doesn’t always come out after the rain. Unlike sunrise, it never fails to show after the dark night. Ah, for someone who’s been calling me the Rainbow nickname, I should beat the lazy ass.

The morning crawled in, I crawled back to bed under my fleece blanket. The noise from the nearby mosque broke in the silent. You missed the sunrise today. But I bet, where you are now is sunrise all the time.



Whose date didn't show up.

She has already woken up before her alarm rang, how rare is that. Exactly 7 o’clock the alarm beeped as she was stepping out out from the shower, followed by the smell of her conditioner all over the room. Immediately she hit the ‘off’ button. Her hair was still damp as she put on her black underwear. Most of the time she wears black underwear, but this pair is special, the lacy one but not racy. Or a lot racy, maybe she needed that way.

She browsed through her wardrobe. Feeling a bit flashy today, she put on her creme dress. It is a bit too short though, but she loves showing off her legs. Badminton does it good. And there’s nothing wrong to show off some skin, isn’t it?
She looked at herself at the mirror. Okay, what to do with the face. Nothing. She learn the hardway that guys does not need inches of make up to fall in love with. But of course, for protection and treatment, she applied daycream, sun screen and a sheer of loose powder in neutral color. Hmm, let’s do something about the eyes an lips later. Later in the day, when the time is very near.
Now, the shoes. The vinyl black medium-high wedges, or the creme flats? She tried the flats first then changed to the wedges. Then finally decided to wear the flats. Height is not her signature, so no need to try hard on this one.


She grabbed her bag on the fly then off to the office, where she hardly sat still on her seat and kept on checking on her mobile. Of course, she was too distracted to think rocket science that day. But time flies, some tasks were done and let’s just put things aside for Monday morning to begin the week with. She checked on her watch it was 6 pm already and her heart beat a bit faster.
She stopped in the toilet, bursting out make-up kits from her purse. Soft purple eyeshadows were applied, mascara was spread over her lashes and pinkish blush on were dubbed into her cheekbones. She put on her blue star earrings and took a last look. Hair was ok, everything was great, beside she couldn’t take off the smile of her face.

The Germany restaurant is their favorite dining place. She loves the creamy mushroom soup and the local brewery produced the best beers in town. She sat alone and ordered the usual menu. Accross from her table was two white men talked in enthusiast about business. She didn’t pay attention at all, mostly she swept her eyes over the room, looking for a sign of someone’s present. And of course she kept on checking on her mobile again which unfortunately seemed to be disturbingly quiet. Many times, she starred at it, just to make it ring or beep as a sign that the message is coming.

Two hours have passed. The delicious light meal was finished and the smile from her face has vanished. She was fiddling with her mobile, as if she blamed the equipment of its disfunction. She didn’t dare to lift up her head, she felt ugly and didn’t want the whole world to she her in such situation. A pretty girl eating out alone, even without a book or magazine in hands. There must be something really bad going on. Beside, one of the white men kept starring at her, she can tell that he must be feeling sorry for her.
She gulped down her beer. Gosh, how she felt like she should be really drunk right now. The world doesn’t seem to understand it’s been a long awaiting and how she has dressed up for such an occassion. Such a guy.
Finally, she wrapped up her bag, took out her purse and waved to waiters, asking for the bill. Shortly the waiter arrived and handed her a paper. Her meal expense. Then, he handed her another note, and told her giggly that the note came from that guy. He appointed one of the white men accross her table. She looked at him in surprise while the guy intensely starred at her with a confident smile. The written on the paper was: ‘+628111111 Max. You look very beautiful.’
She smiled back. Took out money from her wallet, paid the bills and wrote down on the same note: ‘Thank you. But I didn’t dress up for you.’

She walked to her flat and crashed into bed with a beaten heart. For once in life she now knows how it feels.


International Women’s Day

It’s the 8th of March today and acknowledged globally to celebrate women. I woke up at my usual waking time - an hour snooze after my alarm ...