Brigade Salju

Here, I declare that I am the type of beach girl. Beach with capital B. You can call me bitch either, I don’t care. I am all that sunshine, sea breezes, white sand, coral reef, crushing waves, coconut trees, lemon squash, colorful beach ball, bikinis, you named it. Summer will be my middle name, and bright color flips flops will be the best suitable footwear for the season. I get all high and selling cheap smiles on the sea side. Woulbn't mind, if my ultra short pants get wet because of all the splashing salt water.

Instead of playing Welcome to My Paradise by that Coconut reggae band, I’m in love with Snow Brigade. I’m getting high with all the sound of distortion guitar and the lightweight vocalist voice. In the cold cold air of my office room, I can paint a picture in my brain projector. It will be all white. Almost all white. Well, maybe a little brown spot here and there and grayish blue dust for the color of the sky. Instead of tanning skin, which I believe will make me sexier; there will be natural pinkish blush-on on my getting-chubby cheeks. Say goodbye to bikinis, we need layers of warm clothes here. I will desperately seeking for sunshine, for sure.

But, if it is the price I have to pay to be next to you, I don’t mind. At all.

enable to bring out the something
you want to know beneath the snow
in winter your an affiction
that repeatedly defeated me
because i'll find you somewhere
show you how much i care
know that there is no escape
from my snow brigade
bring out the someone
you want to see for jealousy
we all know one day you'll leave behind
your everything
and feel the spring come
my arms retreat
i wish they were there to hold you

mew - snow brigade

The dream of Dokodemo Door

Have you ever wished for something unimagined, unreal and impossible to reach? So unreachable until you wake up in the middle of the night and look up. So impossible until you often laugh at your self and turn your back again. So unreal until you doubt yourself if there were such things existed.
Have you ever questioned yourself about the way your brain imagined things? About how wild it can be and how crazy it may seems to have a kind of wishful thinking. About yourself, your desire and how ridiculous it will turn out.
Have you ever wanted anything so bad, ‘till you cried in your daytime for having them to let go? You have been waiting impatiently and you’ve been helplessly trying to get rid of them.

They say everything will be beautiful in the right time. Hell, yeah. What will be the right time except now and then? Ah, you might want to save a little prayer for it. Save everything you own for a chance of make it realizes. Save it for your next year resolution, or a curse in a Halloween nite. Save it for the dawn to come as you’ll be alone with the almighty. Save it for a shooting star or an 11:11 popping in your digital clock. Save it for your birthday wishes. Or save it for the time when your insanity takes over your consciousness.

Have you ever wondered the way things installed in your head? They continuously produce the same reason for every action and reaction. Objectives, and everything you do become subjective, selfishly evolve around you.
Or so help me. I get all crazy for the obsession of Doraemon and his Dokodemo door. Arrrrrggghhhh!!!

Dokodemo door (どこでもドア, Dokodemo door^? lit. anywhere door)
One of Doraemon's most commonly used gadgets is the dokodemo door, a door which allows travel to anywhere by simply going through the door. In an early story, the door is able to travel to the end of the universe, but in later chapters, the door is said to only be able to travel a maximum distance of 100,000 light years and cannot access other dimensions. Another limitation of the door is that it can only safely connect two known locations in its mapping computer. sumber.

Or whatever could lead me back to you.

Blue sky, eyes and jacket back in then 1995

Today I’ll be off to Lam No again. They say it’s the place where you can find Aceh people with blue eyes. Apparently, I didn’t met one at the last visit. Did tsunami sweep them away? Hopefully, no.

Visiting Lam No is like traveling with a time machine. Aha, Doraemon can use the drawer, and I can go with L-300 vehicle with all that ‘jedang-jdung-jedang-jedung’ dischotique music all the way there. Grutee is the main entrance. Check your weapon here, ok? Next, you will be flying to another level of time.

The moment you check your calendar, it is 2006. Still, it is in Lam No. Wake up just after the dawn, then you can still have a warm water shower and use your hair dryer. After that, you can wander around the city and have fun.

You walk around the market, which is the center of city. Have a breakfast with a plate of super tasty noodle (pssst, it is really different from the one you usually have in Banda Aceh) and sit in an old wooden chair. You drive along the Banda Aceh – Meulaboh road. This is a river city, water is everywhere you go. The bridge is still under construction, so you across the river by a raft and have a chance to feel the splashing water. Have lunch in a local restaurant and a chance to visit traditional houses of Aceh. You wander around the city and find a quiet environment with green hills and light grey sky in the background. It is 5 o’clock in the afternoon and you go home. False action, your hotel will be rather gloomy. Electricity will be available from 6 pm until the next sunrise. Yup, just wait.
Sunset. It is dark outside, but you have the light. People with no generator will wake up and begin their works. It is the other way of cycle of life here.
Charge your cell phone battery, but hey, there’s no access because of the limitation of signal. Then back to Grutee, your door to your world and check your weapon again. Minutes of nice conversation. Short messages come and go. Leaving a warm feeling until you feel exhausted. On the way back, you meet a local military movement and sense their power. Ah, you have nothing to do with that kind of political stuff. You go back to your room. Turn on the light, apply mosquito repellent on your skin and grab your sarong. Close your eyes.
You wake up before dawn and check out your calendar. It is 2006. Still have the light. You open the window. Inhale the air of Lam No and feel fresh and a little bit chilly. Sunrise. Stare at the scenery and think back yesterday. Hell no, this is not 2006!

If you happen to be in 1995, with no cell phone since there’s no signal, no internet connection, limited electricity, strict rules, limited access to another places, the domination of local power military, and slow environment, would you go to Grutee as your entrance to 2006?

Of course you will have to leave the blue eyes. Unless they’re going away with you.

Ah. I will go anywhere with you, rockstar. No need of a pair of blue eyes.

Better Make It Last

Better Make It Better - Swing Out Sister

Take it fast, take is slow, But it won't soften the blow When it's time to go
May be old, may be scared But you'll never be prepared For that final blow
Better use your wits or you'll lose your mind...
There's a world to discover and you're running Out of time Life's a roller coaster ride
That took you by surprise Now you're burnin' up inside
Better make it better, Better make it better, Better make it better,
Cause time is running out fast. You can scream you can shout, But when your time runs out Deep inside you'll know
May be rich, may be poor, But when you knock at Heaven's door, Well you have to go
Make the most of what you've got
For it's better than to not have anything at all.
Take each day as it's your last
Or you'll find the future's passed and you're left with nothing at all

Better make it better, Make it last

I love Swing Out Sisters so much. I can listen to their hits, in a row, all day, over and over again.
The witty melody will make you want to move your body. At least your thumbs ;) Maybe you roll your eyes up and smile. Read the lines, and you'll find that there's more to this life. So much more you can explore.
Now, you know why...

Before Dawn

In the middle of fasting month, you begin to doubt yourself. Your question of life, faith, love and everything evolves around them, rise again. You begin to wonder, whether God listen to your prayers, or he’s away somewhere. And if he listens, will he ever bother to make it realize? He just needs one snap of fingers, while you need to work your ass off to reach your dreams.

But then again you wake up in the middle of the night. It’s been days and you keep humming the same sentences. You know, this month only comes once in a year, so you’d better make the best of it. You hear a lot of sound from mosque nearby. In a place between asleep and awake you get down on your knees and look up. As if God is floating in your attic.

In a time just before dawn, I always feel like he comes from the attic, and sit still in front of me. He smiles. I offer him a cup of coffee. And as usual, cups of coffee and thousand stories always come in a package. He drinks his black macchiato while I sip my French vanilla latte slowly. Too busy to enjoy the coffee, my thousand stories need to be burst out. I am far too afraid of running out of time. Because when the dawn is coming I have to stop. Have to take my proper meal. And he smiles again with the promise to accompany me on the day.

"Hey God, maybe you’re the only one who listens to me right now. And maybe you started to feel fed up about my questions. I can’t help but ask you again all the questions popped in my head. Hey God, am I in the right path? If this isn’t for me, then why do I feel joy about it? And that tall guy? Yeah, the one appears on the pictures I keep on my wallet. Is he really the one? What? A hard question? There’s no such thing as a hard question for you! Kidding me… And my dream becoming a supermodel, will it ever come true? High heels might do? Aha. Nah, you’re joking again."

It’s fun to have a little chit chat with him. He has a good sense of humor. Sometimes it’s too much.

"Hey God, I am sleepy. Really. I'm not kidding. It’s been a nice conversation, though. Tomorrow we’ll meet again? Oh, owkey. Exact time and location? Well, maybe more or less. Ouw, tomorrow I’ll be staying at a friend house. You know the way? Ouw, is it closer to your place? Great, great. Ah, distance doesn’t matter to you anyway."

Although, the idea of sharing cups of coffee at 3 in the morning with an invisible partner seems a little bit terrifying. But the thing can ease the inner me. And as I lay my head on my blue pillow, with the doraemon doll in my arms, you can see the smile on my face. By the time I wake up, I won’t be so alone

He promised to accompany me today. And tomorrow. Hopefully he’s not joking around.

Dementor Ability

If you ever read Harry Potter, you must be familiar with this role: Dementor. For those who haven’t read the book, dementor is a kind of jailer, a person who works in a jail to guard and take care after prisoners. Unlike jailer, dementors don’t walk around the prison with military uniform wannabe, and carry around a cudgel in their hand. J.K Rowling is very genius to let them use old and faded cloak, let their hands be free enough to hide under it (or at least I thought so by reading the book). Instead of physical weapon, Rowling gave them an ability to suck away the happiness from people around them. Without showing off much details, they just exist to make you feel bad. That’s why Azkaban, the prison, is the least place you want to be in.

The idea of using a dementor in a prison sounds great. There’s nothing worse than taking away your happiness, your hope and your reason to breathe. Maybe in ordinary jail you get beaten up, served insects as your breakfast, and abused by dinner. But with a happiness in your heart, and a wishful thinking in your head, you can still survive. There’s nothing they can do to replace them, if they exist for no reason.

Dementor do the best of their job as a jailer. They will succesfully create negative atmosphere whenever they around. In the name of justice. Great.

But I suggest you not to be one.
I don’t wanna be one, either.

Because I love to keep my happiness. In a closest distance to my heart. And everyone around me. If there’s an antidote for Dementor, I will be one. If dementor chase away your happiness, then I wanna be the one who give it away. It is something to share. And believe me, you’ll never run out of happiness although you spread it around. It will only make you richer. Just like the sun who never get tired of giving its shine.

Yeah, I wanna be a sunhine of this life. And you, please don’t be such a dementor for me or everyone else around you. We all need our hope, happiness and our reason to breathe.

Latest Addiction

Recently I’ve been addicted to:

Smashing Pumpkins Well I think this is for forever. But can’t help buat listening to Cherub Rock over over over and over again. And don’t mention Porcelina of the Vast Ocean. Uh hu. Love that sound of guitar distorsion.

3Ds Max I just can’t believe that I have the courage to install the program in my computer and make sumthing out of it. Ok, maybe it’s not Finding Nemo I created. Only snapshots of Saree Site Plan from different angles. The site plan itself is less than simple. Only houses align along the pathway. But, I am so proud of my self. I even spent all the weekend for it. Yes, I was still in the office at 10 pm on Saturday nite. But, please don’t be sorry for me, ‘cause I learnt something new, I created something and proof that I still have the will to live and learn. Oprah might say, “You will never grow ola as long as you keep on learning…” Well, there you go, Oprah.

Vanilla Latte I found a box of Vanilla Latte in my food box back while I was cleaning my room. OK doky, this is gonna be great. Well, I brought packs of it from Bandung, but because I forgot to buy instant coffees for office supply, all of my Vanilla Latte just grabbed by everybody. They just didn’t bother with a bag of Takengon coffee. Whatever it is, I need thosse dozes of caffeine. Oh my, I begin to get along well with coffee here.

Chocolate At the first place, I manage to give all the chocos I bought in Batam for my beloved friends. But all the Kiwis chocolate, Peppermint chocholate, and bars of Richfield just can’t wait. I need those for amphetamine, replacing my lunch meal.

You In any forms. Regardless you appeared as text on my messenger or voice coming out from my cellphone. Moreever, past conversation I saved on notepad that I read over and over. I can stare at pictures of your smile. Or just your simple name written on my blog. Thousand times.

Silly.

Sleep will not come to this tired body now
Peace will not come to this lonely heart
There are some things I'll live without
But I want you to know that I need you right now
I need you tonite

In the Arms of Sleep – Smashing Pumpkins