Walk on Water

Recently, I found my self grew a fond of something new. Well, it might have been exist for a long time, and I’ve already know it from the Introduction of Oceanography lecture. But when the time is finally arrived, and I eventually met it, eye to eye, I can’t help but falling in love all over.

Sand dune.
It is as beautiful as it is. Stretching in the middle of the strait, connecting blue turquoise water in between and made you feel like walk on water.
Yes, meeting you, eye to eye, and dare you to say the words, would be a walk on water.

Another thing is... The sand dune is temporary. It is only available at the time of low tide. Fling mode on. Nothing last forever. And the reality just hit me right there. Even such a beautiful thing like this, will be ripped of from us anyway.

The sand dune in you, a walk on water, and then an on and off mode. Reality Bites.

Picture of Karimun Jawa Islands.

Homesick, cause I no longer know where home is

I’m totally lost here. Right in the middle of skycrapper jungle. I gotta find my way back to the shore. Whereas my ship is waiting, and it is gonna take me away. Somewhere.

Where the sky is blue and every rain has a rainbow at the end. Where people greets me with a warm big smile and a friendly hello. And when the time for party comes, they’ll be all high and cheers, without getting too drunk and ruin the show. We’re gonna be intentionally festive for all day and all night long. I will be invited, and asked for a dance or two, or sing a song or two or just running around with my big fat camera. We will be in my memories, in my memory card, in my hard disk memory capacity or printed and then glued onto my scrapbook.

Where I can lay down at the end of the day, feeling too zen to jump around. Where I have a comfort corner just to stuff information and knowledge into my overloaded little brain. Where there is a window to the world just to see there is nothing between me and the sky. Or the world itself.

Where everynight, I can sit on the porch and gaze at the vast pitch black sky, and all the twinkling stars will smile back at me. They are similar like good friends, you don’t where they are or what they do in the mean time, but you know they serioulsy exist. And you won’t find any words related with loneliness here.

Oh, help me, I’m so lost at the crossroad. All the lights are blinding and no street signs available. Lend me DGPS or something technically correct to find a home. Somewhere faraway or nearby. Where it is a place to long for and a family to share hugs and kisses. Where the sky is blue and the clouds are white and fluffy. Where I can hear the gentle sound of waves crushing into the sandy beach. Where a sunset will paint a perfect picture.

so I lose some sales
and my boss won't be happy
but there's only one thing on my mind
searching boxes underneath the counter
on a chance that on a tape I'd find

a song for
someone who needs somewhere
to long for

- Homesick – Kings of Convenince -

And of course, wherever I can feel your presence in every step and every beat.

Under the Medicine and Dreaming

I can’t sleep well last night. What do you call it? Insomniac? Well, maybe I am in that state of it right now. This isn’t the first time. I have experienced similar nite before. Most of them were very tiring. Usually I keep on turning my back againt and the wall or vice versa. And I try so hard to keep my eyes closed. But, rarely it happens to me. They call me sleepyhead and I am a little proud of it.

Ah, my sleep weren’t as tight as before. Couple of nites ago I remember, I was sleeping on my bed with the lights and the radio on, then woke up at about 3 am. That edge of nite. And the song played in the radio was always Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen. Along with Dorothy’s words echoed softly in the air,
“... I love him Laurel, I love him... I love him for the man he wants to be and I love him for the man he almost is”
That melodius lyrics and the strange feeling I have in my heart. The slide show of you and shadows of your walk. The voice of your laughters and the distance between us.
And then Mr. Cruise or Mr. Maguire replied,
“You... complete... me...”

I nodded my head off. But last night, without the songs, my eyes were wide awake. I tried to read London Short Stories because the little font and that bloody accent sometimes get me down. I’m under the medicine and still I can’t sleep. While sometimes wo cups of coffee don’t affect me.

Ah, have I had my heart broken again?

She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away

- Secret Garden (OST Jerry Maguire) – Bruce Springsteen -

A Happy Ending Demanding

For once in my life, I just want to be there.
Right in the heart of children section. I know, a fancy book store, that everytime I look at the back covers of their books, my hand will put it back on the shelves. Yup, I've seen the price tag. Regretfully.
Although I am not that wealthy enough to purchase all of their books (beside, there's no point of doing that), but I can still enjoy the services, can't I?
Because, for once in my life, I just want to be there. Surrounded by colorful books. Sitting on a comfy not too puffy carpet. And in the bliss of enjoying the sound from children running around noises. Taking books one by one from the shelves, put it on my lap and do the aaahhh-ohhhh-ahhhhh (please, do not take this as making out session) while gazing at the illustrations. Hilarious and heartwarming stories, all at once. That will set the stars in my eyes, and paint a full smile in my face.
For once in my life, I just want to be there. With you.

Not a happy ending, though.
I've come to realise. Not every happy ending stories have a heartwarming moral. And not every heartwarming stories have a happy ending.

Ahhh.. don't we all, human, want them both?

Heavy Feet

Now, how can you leave such a beautiful place like this?
Well, is it the only thing to be grateful about? Said sadly, I could not list many things. Maybe that's the reason I have to step my feet again. This time it is not even lighter. My self, my body and my soul are torn apart to pieces. I came to pick up things left, and can not manage to bring it all. You know exactly what part would be left again.

Yup, home is where the heart is.

Tutorial

Well, maybe this is a certificate to let me open an official kissing lesson ;)

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

A Letter for a Friend

Hello, Heartache. It’s been a long time since we’ve been together. That’s why I write you this letter. Last November you were with me for our quality time. Had insomniac night, bulimic our self until my pants size get smaller, and wandered in the lonely streets of the town. Maybe it was not the best time of our life, but I must say I learn a lot from it. A lot than I could handle.

You taught me how to be patience, Heartache. You showed me how emotion can trigger some of physical symptoms and how we can physically suffer from our emotionally intentions. It is the thing I remember the most. I begin to familiarize my self with a thing called sadness and tears without teardrop. I still remember, how we were together in the night, the clock was ticking very slowly while you and I sit next to each other, counting every minutes before sunrise. Sometimes I was very afraid to have you near me, so I chose another companion. And you just sorted everything out, creating a new friend list. It is how sweet of you, heartache, to show me companions.

People say they do crazy things for love, ouw, hello? Don’t you realize the hidden power in you, heartache? Yup, you are the wheel of insanity action and powerful effort. And no matter how hard I tried to reach for love, in the end I know, I was helpless. And then you showed how to pray, and the magic of our beliefs. Aha! You made me believe that Up Above, He has been listening for all this time. But still, you were surprised when I show you that yoga could bring the wave of joy over you. Funny, indeed.

I said goodbye to you on the airport. I moved. Not very far, Heartache. But I have to go on. Not only to find that I can stand on my own, but in general I decided to fight for life for a while, give up on love. And voila! I realize that it is the one that fight for me. Sorry, dear friend, it is not that I don’t need you, but I really don’t want to take advantage of you anymore. Enough is enough, Heartache.

And now as I am writing this letter to you, I smiled. I said hello, not to invite you over to my place (I know you hate traveling), but just to let you that I am fine and Ok, here. And more or less to say, I wouldn’t been here if it wasn’t because of you. You were one of those killer teachers, for giving me such a difficult and hard lesson. But you know I would survive, as I did. Within the short period of test, you labeled me as your remarkable student. So, thank you, Heartache.

Regards,


Dita A.
November 2006