Thursday, December 31, 2015

2015: A meandering road to a happier place


It is the time of the year again. I started this ritual on January 2010, skipped 2012 and decided to continue. In one way or another, I’ve always been contemplative, and new year suits this the best, whether I party out, hygge up or sleep it off. 

 So, 2015 went by in a flash, in a blink. I think this is the quickest year I’ve ever experienced. One snap and there it goes. They say time flies when you’re having fun. I guess so, although as I get older, everything seems more mundane, bit by bit. None can top 2013 yet, eh? 
I began 2015 with a firm step, along with a new job and a new point of view. I fell in love with my new team with our Friday WTFisforlunch ritual. I actually looked for to come to the office in the morning and say hello to them. But I guess nothing could beat my eternal love for waking up late and overdose of sleeping. I thought with this killer combination I could go day by day with a smile. 
But the year 2015 was the year when I learn about depression and anxiety. I worried too much about everything. I had thousand what ifs in my mind yet not a single of whattheheck. My top biggest worry was the apartment rent, other new york bills and my work performance. At the same time, I wanted to work less and spend more time enjoying the city or go somewhere warmer. And those summer days finding an apartment, moving in, moving out and can’t stop thinking about the beach! Early summer 2015 didn’t take it easy on me. 
There were times when I felt a pang in my heart and a dire need to go for a walk. There were times when I scratched off my to-do-list, and bundled up inside with endless thoughts and worries in my head. Now I understand why some distressed people could not party out, because there were times I shook my head and avoid activities that I used to enjoy. I was not interested in running, going out, vacation, drinking or anything, I simply dig my own rabbit hole of unhappiness. 
Then it was the point where I could not take it anymore and reached for help. I decided to yell screw you and get back on happiness track. Yup, that two weeks vacation, meet-up with lovely family and friends was my fu*k it escape. One of the happiest day of 2015 was spent by the beach with late night swimming and never ending giggling. I remember the feeling of the setting sun on my almost translucent skin and how warm it was surrounded by bestfriends and summer. 
Ups and downs, it was not always a joyful ride, but it sure gets me somewhere. This year I unsurprisingly reunited with my not-so-long-and-lost passion, painting and graphic design. That summer when it was striking hot outside, I spent hours with white paint and slanted brush, working my way until my apartment basked in ultra white. And that autumn when it was gorgeous outside, I spent weekends with adobe package and crashed with stir craziness. One of the memorable article I read this year was about finding passion: You already found your passion, you’re just ignoring it. And universe also granted me with a slower life as I had two months of part timing. It was scary at the beginning, as I was faced again with my anxiety. But in one lovely noon I took a long walk during lunch break and suddenly it hits me, that I could have my lost weekdays. All smily, I decided to embrace it. And indeed it was lovely, I immersed myself in my love for Brooklyn with a frequent bike riding over Brooklyn Bridge. 
 Then everything sped up in December. I wrapped up the year with a old-and-new job or whatever the name is. At the same time, I got the chance to be featured again in the alumni magazine, and this time I also gave a remote talk on my grad school anniversary. It was nothing big, probably more of self center talk rather than inspirational profile. But I must admit I couldn’t deny the nice feeling during my subway ride home. For once in 2015, finally I went home feeling like a champion. 
 But hey, I am not up for any competition. I hope we are all gonna make it. For sure, no one is going to get out of here alive. No one is really sure when this world is going to end, and who belongs to heaven or going to reincarnate over and over. At the end of the year, I had enough battle and slaying dragons and would love to just dance the night away. So, why don’t we pledge to make it easier to live for others, maybe by throwing confetti of kindness? Or more picnic and outing? Oh, I would love to succeed in the party and hospitality department. 

 2015 might be a long and meandering road to a destination, but I’m not gonna give up my journey to a happier place. I’m not gonna stop my soul searching and my attempt to make this world a better place. Nope, I’m not trying to be a powerpuff girl, but at least hopefully you can count on me for a good time.

Happy New Year lovely people, I wish you love, happiness and good fortune throughout 2016.