Monday, June 18, 2012

The naturalist

screw me for not having remove you out of my facebook friendlist. that once in a while your name appears on my timeline, and i accidentally stumble upon your snaps of trees and flowers. no sight of your face, but i can't help smiling over your view of this world. people can take you to urban setting, but they can't take away the nature in you.

don't get me wrong, i have over you. though by judging through series of pictures and status on each facebook's wall, i can see that we are now very single. or at least i am and at least i thought you are too.and it might be that it's been a while that i haven't involved in an intense and committed relationship, i must say i miss it. i miss to be someone's other half. then for sure, the bittersweet of how things turned out in a strange way between us, it lingers on. like, how casual it was when i first knocked on your door that night. you didn't show that you were surprised to see me. but of course you were a bit shocked when i ask 'can i have tea in your room?' 'i don't have any tea' 'i bring my own tea', i still remember that look when i cupped the red mug with both hands in front of your face.

after that, things flowed naturally. there was nothing wrong with me asking you 'do you want to watch movies tonight?', and it was totally normal we set your 13" macbook as our home theater. it seemed common to watch movies that close to LCD screen and that close to each other. because of the distance, it was very casual that i cuddled in your arms for every screenings. it wasn't strange that it was only a cuddle. after the credit title rolled up, i said goodnight to you and packed my cheap speakers home. then of course, it was not extraordinary that finally on one of those nights, i ended up falling asleep in your room.

those good old days, smile at me like i always remember you were originally funny. amongst those guys down the line, you were the one who flattered me with your compliment of 'tonight you look lovely and not fat.' i might just slap you in the face, but we were too drunk to be dishonest that night, and we went home marching in each other arms.

not so often during the day, i thought of you and wonder if you would think of me too. probably, a tiny bit of your brain keep the memories always alive, and sometimes in the day you smile when you see my snaps of rocks and sands. do you miss my foolish smile, maybe? or maybe you don't. i always push the thought aside, saying that we're through.

but i guess it's natural that deep inside my healing heart, i wish you would miss me too.