Posts

Showing posts from 2010

To a sunrise

Image
I woke up at dawn this morning, unconsiously checking messages in my cellphone. Then I remember the obituary last night. On my bed, with my eyes open and the room was still dark, I thought of you. Or more of me. Particularly when I said “I’ll make it up to you.” The promise that easier said than done, because we’re human and we always race with time. It stroke me hard. Apparently, I don’t have all the time in the world. Then I’d rather blame this spacious world. It takes time to get me to your side. And money. And all the efforts to move this lazy bum. I never managed to make it up to you. I didn’t try hard enough though. Part of me hesitated, are you worth the effort? Do you really want me to make it up to you?
Alone, it gets me to a deeper thinking. I do really want to make it up to you. Doesn’t matter how many times you let it down. Doesn’t matter you appear and dissappear without logic. You should be the one called by Rainbow, because rainbow doesn’t always come out after the rain. Un…

Whose date didn't show up.

Image
She has already woken up before her alarm rang, how rare is that. Exactly 7 o’clock the alarm beeped as she was stepping out out from the shower, followed by the smell of her conditioner all over the room. Immediately she hit the ‘off’ button. Her hair was still damp as she put on her black underwear. Most of the time she wears black underwear, but this pair is special, the lacy one but not racy. Or a lot racy, maybe she needed that way.
She browsed through her wardrobe. Feeling a bit flashy today, she put on her creme dress. It is a bit too short though, but she loves showing off her legs. Badminton does it good. And there’s nothing wrong to show off some skin, isn’t it? She looked at herself at the mirror. Okay, what to do with the face. Nothing. She learn the hardway that guys does not need inches of make up to fall in love with. But of course, for protection and treatment, she applied daycream, sun screen and a sheer of loose powder in neutral color. Hmm, let’s do something about t…

Note on my summer sailing camp

Image
Enschede, 29 June 2009


Yesterday I went sailing at Friesland. We strolled along in the canals and roaming around the lake with our rented boats. Got my skin tanned in just about the right amount (will work on that later), and my Cities I’ve Visited map pinned with another favorite spot. But today I feel sad. Not because yesterday was not fun or today is less fun. But just now I realized that I am so far from the things that I want to do. Well, maybe not all of my dreams, but some of them. I have just realized about things I wanna do forever. For instances, I like floating in the water on my back and watching the blue sky. I also like wearing less clothes, not because I want to be sexy (I don’t think sexyness judged by the way we dress), but because I feel energetic with more of my skin exposed. And right now, I’m enjoying the feeling of in love without being attached. It is so liberating. While washing the dishes, I was thinking about all those things. Everything I love, lead to one high…

On Packing

Image
Enschede, sometimes in March. This morning I went up to my room and empty my fridge. Found a cup of straciatella yoghurt and decided to keep it for the night. It is expired though, but as usual I don't care. Yoghurt is rotten milk anyway. Last night I packed up all the things and gave away things to everybody. It is always nice to see our stuffs become useful for someone else. I did a magic call for a friend. It turned out he was very happy for inheriting old school testament, free food, free party stuffs, and the most important is stack of origami papers. We wrapped up things with beers and chips and south East Asian little party. The first round of packing was done.
Today I woke up in a not-so-strange room and had trouble finding my toiletries in too many cardboard boxes around me. I went to university feeling a lot sleepy, but by five managed to finish the tasks for today. Then I wrapped up things and go home, had too-sweet fried noodle and immediately fell asleep.
Looking all arou…

The XXs

Image
Readers are free to mix and match the paragraphs. Just make sure you do the numbers correctly.





[1] My ex boyfriend came to my town. After four years of separation without any news exchange, the universe conspired to make us meet. Physically. He texted me all of sudden, said that he was in town. A happy surprises it was though I reluctantly replied. He a bit insisted to arrange a rendezvous and the next thing was, I sat quietly in the couch of his hotel lobby.
[2] He said I look no different than the girl he dated four years ago. I took it as an insult. I wore the same kind of ripped-off t-shirt, the same over worn denim pants and exactly the same flip flops. I amazed that I didn’t dress my self up to impress him. On the other hand, he didn’t look any different either, though I managed to lock up the words in my mouth. He was still lean and tall, with his pale skin and the quizzical light in his eyes. [2] He said I look different and I raised one of my eyebrows. He smiled and I took it as…

Piercing Hanoi

Image
Hanoi today, 19 May 2010. We were picked up by #vn guy and his mate who then took us for a  pho dinner. Pho has always been my favorite dishes even before I went to the original country. So, having the big white fat rice noodle by sitting in kindergarten-like chairs on the sidewalk, at fairly cheap price but taste at the very best, it was simply heaven.  #Vn guy offered a cup of cold tea in a plastic cup, which turned out to be black color drink tasted extremely bitter. I said thank you, but thank you. I didn’t bother to remember the name because I’m sure I’m not gonna order it again. He said the drink was good to give me a good sleep and we all laughed when I said it is not for a sleepyhead person like me.       After that he took us along 1 meter narrow alley, up to the fourth floor of a decent coffee shop then enjoy the scenery from above. Something that is not written in any of the guide books. The view was amazing, Hoan Kiem lake from above along with its colorful ball-shaped…

"No, I'm Sid."

Image
Fine. Hate me. I don’t deserve any of your sympathy, I am an evil with human being identity. Disgust my self inside and out. My fake teeth, my crisp laughter, the way I love stuffed animals, and everything you can’t stand of. I know you dislikes all of my attached adjectives; selfish, single-minded, stranger’s lover, childish, spontaneous, thoughtless, wicked, dangerous flirtatious, heavy procrastinator, sleepyhead to the bone and all that. Call me bitch, hideous, anything. Spit out your nasty words and bad mouth me. Hate me, anyway you want to, it won’t be wrong.


Blame me. For I have destroyed your future, your hope, your dream house, and everything. For Ive been letting my heart hanging out all this time, it was too easy to be ripped out. I’m reckless, and you know I am far from flawless, I don’t belong to your world of perfect simetry. You think you have done everything you could and meanwhile I went anywhere I like and did nothing, so blame me. Slap my face and leave me feeling pro…

Young Adult Friction

Image
So I back in this old place again, the place where I’ve spent more than hundred thousand nights. It feels so good now, like a simple reunion. I wish I have a decent table for doing computer or paper works, but the desk have moved since ten years ago because it only collected dust. As a replacement, more and more shelves were inserted here. The book collection is obviously growing and I feel happy thinking of it. I re-read again my favorite books. A bit of guilty feeling is creeping inside since I know that there are still stacks of books that I haven’t finished reading. But then I can’t help it. I long to be glued to a book, and with too many books published these days, it is hard to find one that sticks to hands. Today I decided to turn again the pages of Summer Sister by Judy Blume. And yes, in sitting of 3 hours, I have re-read one third of it. I stop now, I was trying to catch my breath when Vix, the main character of the book, is having her seventeenth birthday bash. She celebrated…

Summer Rain

I flied over thousand miles and skipped spring. I said goodbye to less than 5 degrees temperature with cool breeze and trace of snow then just daydreaming about blooming magnolia. Where I am now, it is 100% summer with over 30 degrees and sticky air. As an addition, sometimes during the day, rain falls like the earth is having shower to wash away the dirtiest dirt. Great, summer rain. No, it’s not summer rain, it’s just rain, typical tropical rain. 
That sort of rain reminds me of summer rain last year. Ah, that was truly a summer rain. Big raindrops, a bit cold and lasted all day. I enjoyed it from the big windows of my room, watching the water poured quickly, a bit disappointed because I had to cancelled a lot of my plans. Though I had trustable umbrella, raincoat and waterproof boots, but some of the activities have to be let go.  
Strangely somehow, I cherished it, the rainy summer days. And if I was too tired to go anywhere I silently wish it was raining. I made a cup of hot chocol…

Living on a jetlag

It’s been five days and the jetlag doesn’t want to go away yet. Deep sigh. I gulped down coffee after coffee during the day and beer after beer during the night. Unfortunately, due to the traffic in the house, I have been woken up in the morning. Most of the time, it is too early before I could catch 8 hours sleep to call it enough rest.             Usually I try to be on bed around 12 at night. That is my normal bed time and generally I could not stay awake until 10 minutes after I hit the pillow. But during the jetlag period, after one hour I find my eyes are still wide awake then I try to read a book. After 30 minutes I put down the book and try to close my eyes. Instead of drifting into a sleep, my rapid eye movement is still on a high rate and my thoughts are wandering so furious. Typically, all of the things I worry about pop up and I would try my best not to sob.             Then I decided to get up. Sometimes I have supper and water after water and try to sleep again. Sometimes …

The cute mug with a little cow inside

I gulped my lady grey tea slowly. Nice. First cup of tea in the morning always raise the curtains from my eyes.
Ah, but this is Sunday, no hurry at all. No assignments to go for a while, and no exam perking up on the schedule. At least, for the week ahead. I plug in the internet cable and wandering aimlessly in the cyber world. Found out the it is unsurprisingly quiet out there. In the need of some music, I tuned in to the Sundays radio. Listening to Wild Horses and Leave This City. Couldn't get any better.
I gulped the tea again then looked at my newly purchased mug. It is a medium big (how come medium be big?) in blue color with a big cow hand-painted on one side. What I like the most is, there is a little cow statue inside. (s)he is peeking up and at the moment is being drawn by the orangish brown transparent tea water.
There was this stupid game on facebook where I join sisters community and fight against other girls. Until now I don't know exactly why I joined them and altho…

2009 – I was a kaleidoscope

Image
This year, I’ve been enrolled in a master course of an institute, so that made me a full-time college student. Period. My life happened between classes, assignments, exams, coffee breaks, journal readings and involved a lot of computer operations. We, students, literally have been spending our life in front of the computer screens almost more than 12 hours a day, and that means half of our student’s life. I try to have a life by squeezing in parties, music concerts, bar hopping, traveling and as normal people do in life, watch movies and read books.


Being a student, my main duty is to learn and report. And with extremely tight deadlines, I worked long hours, digested everything super fast, and the reports mostly came from spinal cord. Crazy, but I have wanted for so long to be here today, so why bother. Complain department is not exist in my student life, but we have life support formed as brilliant lecturers who made the digesting process in doable time, friends who are closer than fa…