It always rains in this part of the world

It’s been a fine day. I woke up late, and enjoyed the free coffee from the hostels vending machine. Considerably, I woke up quite early, because I manage to have a lazy shower and have breakfast down in the white room. The Japanese guy said hi to me, and said he was leaving Antwerp today. I smiled back and wish him good luck in his Euro trip. After that I surfed the free internet and chit chatted with friends. It is always good to exchange unessential news with your dearest persons.

Then I and my travel buddy strolled around the city. The city somewhat reminds me of my hometown and I embraced the feeling home. It has small nice places here and there. The weather was good but turned out to be dull at the end. Ouch. I sheltered under my cyan umbrella but it was raining heavily. We decided to go into a bar with loud 80ies music. He tried the local beer brand, and I ordered something called “Pintcha.”

I was really glad that we stopped at this place and uttered, “Too bad it’s raining today,” he replied with “You always complain.”

I was shocked. I don’t want to be that kind of person. The sentence with a high pitch “No, I’m not!” was on the tip of my tongue, but I kept quiet. He would have been replied with “You always argue,” and arguing is one thing that I’m not good at.

To my defense I murmured “But I hate rain.” He looked at me sharply, “Come on, that’s life.”

Yeah, I hate the he sometimes right, but that’s life. In life, I can not expect sunshine all the time. The weather is changing, the climate is changing, and what could I do except the adaptation? I got sunscreen and shades for shiny days, I got waterproof coat and umbrella for rainy days. What’s next, extra flashlight for super gloomy day? Yes, sometimes there are things you could not change, and the best is equipped our selves with prevention. Or else, move out. And can you imagine the people who are living in this country? Are they moving away? I guess not. They manage to stay in this lovely town. Where it always rains all the time.

I gulped my last pincha and he took me by the hand, “Let’s go.”

I Work With Fire

This end of weekend (how strange it sounds) we went to the park. There was a carnival and a fireworks show by the lake. People stand up and held their head up to the sky. Kids were running around and sometimes plugged their ears with fingers. The photographers set up their tripods and captured the show neatly. And me? I feel like living in one of my dream. The transition between day and night time made everything a bit blurry. But still, I amused my self with the company. Carnival is always about rushing your adrenalin and indulge your sugar level. Couples might love to spoil each others by winning the dolls or watched the town from the top of ferries wheel. Or probably just sit side by side, amongst the crowd watched the bright tones in the sky. Why did people invent this show? Was it inspired by the war? That night I watched the fire in a quiet close distance, and I just realized beside the big bang sound, they made a strange creepy sounds. Well, I know people were there for the visual entertainment, not to spoil their ears. On the contrary it might be damageable.

What do you think? What’s so good about fireworks? The explosion, the color or the shape? The crowd, the lens you have or someone who hold your hand when you watch the last splash?

How old I grow, how far I go

It was a long time ago, but it is still crystal clear in my head. I’ve never been so loved in the correct way and the exact person than this. I was having a fever. The sympthoms were quite common during those days, high fever, sore throat followed up with muscles pain. After got home from the doctor, had a proper meal and drank up the antibiotics, I laid on my bed. I was brwosing through the tv channels while waiting for sleepy eyes. Suddenly he entered my room and sat on the edge of my bed. I have just bought Kenny Loggins albums days ago and the cassette cover was on the floor. He saw it, and recognize one of the song. Then he grabed my classic guitar which is my birthday present from him, and started to pick the strings.

“Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight… Someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight..”

I also sing softly, but before he finished the song, the sleepyhead has taken me over. I woke up a little when he kissed my warm forehead and left the room.

Eventhough I am 15 years older than I was at that time, but I know. No matter how old I grow or how far I go, I will always be that little girl. A girl who deserves a song to sing, a kiss in the forehead and an everlasting wonderful company as him.

Evolve

Do you think you are the centre of the world? Think again.

O brother where art thou?

I am the eldest amongst the siblings, but too many people think I’m the youngest. I admit that I do act childish and craving for attention, but I’d rather refer it to the only child characteristics. Those people have mistakenly read the lines.

I was the only child for 5, almost 6, years, then came along my brother. I was very exciting at the beginning, imagining I would have someone to play with, rather than dragged the neighbor kids to stay a while. But when the moment came, I started to realize it might take some times for him to be able to play with me. And then the way people showered him with attention get on my nerve. And it was very upsetting me how everybody let him win just because he’s younger than me. Come on man, in school they taught me about justice, but in my childhood reality it was not realistically exist.

After a while, I was more focus on schools. I’ve always been a bit obsessive about this. On the contrary, I didn’t see it from my brother side. He always seemed chill out and didn’t care about grades. He definitely chose to play with his matchbox cars collection rather than fiddling with math book. Of course, this things drove mom crazy ;)

Time flies. It always does. Right now we are standing physically far apart. It was more or less 25 years that I always had him beside me. Well, not literally beside, but most of the time, we stayed under the same roof. Maybe it’s because the miles distance between us, lately I feel that I didn’t do the elder sister role very well. Amongst these years, how well do I know him? We have never had a close conversation about personal things. Well, he met most of my ex and boyfriends, but do I know something about his personal life? Not a single part of it. But how should I know things?

When he got into education trouble, I tried to find him solutions. Was it the best? How can you be so sure? And after I had a quite satisfactory wages, I managed to spare him a little. The shopping days with him were always the best, because we shared something in common in clothes. Although I sometimes doubt everything. Wasn’t it too spoiling?

Or maybe I was just being too hard on him. After all, I just want him to be strong, struggle a lot in life and take everything responsibly. I really want him to stand tall on his beliefs, his passion, his desire or whatever he feels like doing. As long as they are positive. But then I think again, how can I define one is positive and one is not? Can I figure it out through his view?

He’s a grown up now. I believe, or probably trying hard to believe, that he is a man who head his head up high and deserves to be proud of him self. It is common that we (mom and dad and me) want him to score a goal and we’ll be on the front line, cheering up for him. But hey, let’s just not to be hard on our selves again. After all, I just want him to be his self, and, happy. In your utmost comfortable way.

Happy birthday, Dimas.

Symmetry Mood

I know I must write a lot since I was in a very intense traveling in the past two weeks. I wrote some in my lovely red moleskin journal, but I could not transfer it into digital file. I don’t know why, my self just doesn’t want to do it.

Instead, today I’ve been in a very mellow mood. I am suspicious, well rather convinced then, that it is something to do with my hormonal cycle. It is about time.

And I could not listen to any other song than this.

How I’m loving the opening: I caught in a symmetry of your mind…

I'm caught in the symmetry of your mind

But I'm not happier than you

Did I really see you or was it just a dream

Dreaming that it was seamless

Not a trace of wrong words

That we have spoken

Little did we know

No bigotry no tears shed

Ohh if only

You'd try to be polite

Thinking you were right

Only to find that you're unkind

But ironically you will always be

Belle of The Ball ...at least to me

Symmetry – Mew

Yeah, I am convinced that I miss you. But I am protecting my heart so tight, not to have it wounded. Not even bruished. This long distance relationship has never been kind for me. In anyway.

Earth Exploration

It’s been more than a month, and life never stops mesmerizing me as it unfolds its mysteries. Layers by layers and still there are many more. It is earth sciences that I am studying here, and although I have been breathing its air since the day I were born, still a lot of thing to discover. I stared and amazed seeing the abundant of minerals we have in earth and more amazed by the way people dig them. Aside from academic things, daily life loaded me in prosperously. From the phenomenon of 90 degrees sun rise and set, to the way we save its light by turning back the clock one hour. I watched the leaves gradually changed their color from day to day and suddenly one day they are all gone. Leaving a brown trunk and skinny twigs to have time for their own. Mother Nature always works in its wonderful ways. And still, each way is gorgeous.
New places always captivated me. And new person, is another way to grow a new brain inside my head. I usually eagerly tell a lot of tales of my self, and in return, curiously asked question about their self. What is it inside their head? Whose name printed in their heart? I try so listen to their symphony and empathy for the war in their home country. I look at their eyes and there I see other windows of the world. A new world, is waiting to discover.

You are so much to explore!