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Showing posts from 2015

2015: A meandering road to a happier place

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It is the time of the year again. I started this ritual on January 2010, skipped 2012 and decided to continue. In one way or another, I’ve always been contemplative, and new year suits this the best, whether I party out, hygge up or sleep it off. 

 So, 2015 went by in a flash, in a blink. I think this is the quickest year I’ve ever experienced. One snap and there it goes. They say time flies when you’re having fun. I guess so, although as I get older, everything seems more mundane, bit by bit. None can top 2013 yet, eh? 
I began 2015 with a firm step, along with a new job and a new point of view. I fell in love with my new team with our Friday WTFisforlunch ritual. I actually looked for to come to the office in the morning and say hello to them. But I guess nothing could beat my eternal love for waking up late and overdose of sleeping. I thought with this killer combination I could go day by day with a smile. 
But the year 2015 was the year when I learn about depression and anxiety. I wo…

Halfway through 30ies and back to bookworm

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Those lazy days, waking up late and went to the beach are all I need.
And I’m back in NYC, 36 yo. Man, being 36 feels so strange. I feel like I’m older than anyone else in the world but at the same time can’t deny that I’m very young. So much of the world to see and so many people I’d like to meet.
I’m no longer hiding the fact that I’m over 35 despite and I’m behind in a lot of aspects of life. 35 was so weird too, I juggled between staying young and wants to fast forward at the same time. It went by in flash, in a snap. I remember the struggles, the breakdown and the anxiety creeping in, and so many sleeps in between.

Another thing, the time has finally has returned, that I enjoyed reading again. I love books so much, but it’s been difficult for me to devour readings. So many books and pages I’d like to digest, but so little time and attention span. I was struggling with it in a past years. But in this vacation, I grab a book and I’m hooked. And it makes me feel so alive.
This is …

Moving, often is not a good idea if you involve a lot of stuffs. Or people.

Things I learn from moving apartment (which I already know before, but this further convince me about my self).

I fucking hate packing or unpacking. Unless I have tremendous amount of storage space, it often blew my mind how I have to make decisions to put things where it belongs. Yes, I am messy and cluttery, but it is fucking hard to change my personality from the girl who just spread things over space to that girl who rolled all of her socks into one of the drawers. I’m small, so I don’t like storage space that requires me to use stools or ladder. Meaning, I’m not comfortable storing stuffs above my head and I question my ability to keep everyone’s safety with over the head storage. Since I’m small, I’m also weak. I don’t have the muscles to lift heavy stuffs. I would do it anyway, however it often ended up with me hating myself being weak. I like things accessible. Thus, I tend to store stuffs by the frequency I use it and proximity. I demand storage in the closet, by my bed, most…

If you like camping by the beach

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Last night I dreamt about revisiting Banda Aceh. I worked together with Iday, like I used to do, but with different set of people. And everything was so different, we looked for familiar faces but couldn't find one. We looked for familiar places, but they have changed names and appearances. I told everyone I wanted to go to Lampu'u and one place that I didn't remember the name of but they took us to Lhok Nga. Lhok Nga was beautiful but crowded. I insisted to go far to the west but they shook their head off.

I wanted to meet this boy who used to take me around, take pictures and enjoy Banda Aceh in a million different ways, but they again told me to forget it.

Later I knew, it was Lamsenia that I missed a lot. And as soon as I woke up, tried to remember the details, I sighed, this is not going so well. Lamsenia has been my sanctuary, I planted it down inside of me. I alwasy carry the name, the place and the feelings because from time to time I need the serenity. It's …

The return of Summer, now she's biking and enlighted

I almost forgot how fun it is riding in the city. I know it is never the hills are alive and the sound of music here, but I ride with joy anyway. It’s always fun for me to maneuvering between cabs, pedestrians and other fellow bikers. I also enjoy the lights, the skyline and the bridge. Biking forces me to focus other than my self. I have to ride safety, but I too have to make sure I won’t hurt others. Yeah, that lady who’s fiddling with her iPhone while crossing the 10th street, I’d make sure no blood spill on the junction.


I guess that’s also the nature of my self. That I don’t want to hurt others, whatever that means.