It must be the inconsistency of how my brain works. The things just switch from one purpose to another without any reason.
There are days that it makes me itch to go outside, even for nothing at all, when everything I have to do is left at home. For example, last Saturday. I don’t know why, but I manage to do all the laundry first thing in the morning, then took a bath. Without any specific destination to go. Yeah, Nova asked me to accompany her working at the office, but I don’t think it worthed it. Since, there was no certainty from Nova, I picked another option to go with Iwing, Pak Rudy and Awan instead. We spent the days at Iday’s house, without things to do in particular, except cooked lunch and had durian as a dessert. What happened in the night was the way my brain works, once again. Me and Nova was dying to go outside. For anything. We searched through phone numer list on our cellphone and tried to ignore all the rejections. But we ended having dinner with a friend. And spent the rest of the night watching a view from Peunayong bridge. Yeah, no one has made my day, but I fell asleep feeling ok.
There are days when my brain have a control of my self as an anti-sosial person. Just like today. I feel like there’s no pressure to go outside or meet anyone. I cherish my time alone. A morning sport. Breakfast on my own. Ironing all the laundry. The rest is to have a quality time with my self. So much in my head. Wrap all of my books collection with plastic wrap. Start to do the puzzle. Watch DVD. Clean the room etc. And I don’t mind to do those things without companion. But they seems can’t stand to see a girl like me alone. Intitations came. And ended up went out of the house 3 times! While I was feeling like spending all the time at home. But it was fun. A sort of made my day. Well, maybe a little.
It must be the consistency of how my heart works.It continuosly missing you in every minute and every second of its beats. And has never been failed a chance. No matter what I do, full body works like cardiovascular sport, or some useless and sweatless thing like gazing through the window. My heart just won't tolerate. It gives me constant reaction when I hear your name mentioned. Stunned. And the 2 e-mails I found in my inbox by the end of this day has made my days. I could fall asleep with huge smile on my face tonight.
Yes, I will jump wild and free here. Physically I’m without you.
But Emotionally, you are everywhere. The closest thing to my iron lung.