A question you should ask yourself

Am I happy?
And said sadly, I’m not. There you go, tears in my cheeks. How can I be happy? I have this accute syndrome of missing my life in Aceh. And somehow I have this dream of visiting another places. Maybe not only visiting, but trying to adjust my daily life there. I don’t want to live in a skycrapper apartments, where the inhabitants barely meet each other. Instead, I want to live in a small house in Seubon Ayon, where every afternoon I can play with the kids on the blocks. Ouch, how pathetic I am.

Am I reaching my dreams? Or am I stumbling behind? What is this path I’m stepping on? It is smooth as it can be, but I’m afraid to slip on it. Am I that happy girl she used to wonder about?

Then again, I quoted Allie from Taken:

Allie Keys: When everything in your life is right on track, it's easy to believe that things happen for a reason; it's easy to have faith. But when things start to go wrong then it's very hard to hold on to that faith. It's hard not to wonder whose reasons these things happen for.

The end of the year is close. New days are waiting to come. While most of my friends tag this line: “It’s time to move on.” I convince my self again and again, back and forth: It’s time to hang on.

Are you? Happy?

Gold in the Air of Summer

So, I’ve been here for days. And I’m sure you want me to be with you. I can see it in your eyes. Those twinkles.And our workload, they are nothing to compare the joy when we share the laughters. Just like old friends who haven’t seeing each others for ages. Or maybe long lost brothers and sisters that used to eat from the same plate or clashed over candies.

I didn't know if you wanted to,
when I came to pick you up.
But you didn't even hesitate,
and now you and me are on our way.
I think I've brought everything we need,
so don't look back,
don't think of the other places you should have been
it's a good thing that you came along with me.

So, I will be back in town in couple of days. And I’m sure that’s the last thing you want to face. I can see it in your eyes. They can shed a tear even if you don’t want to.
Or let me just be. And please grab your guitar then sing the song for me. And I will keep the promise for you.

Gold in the air of summer,
you'll shine like gold in the air of summer.

Gold In the Air of Summer – KoC

Will surely keep the shine on

Innocently violent

They say age is just a number, and the memories proof you are old. And I’m still recalling things you said to me. Or, maybe not said directly, you used your mouth mostly for other activities.

In the dim of dawn light, I found my self as a version of teenage high school girl. Or maybe a freshman from college who wake up next to you. Innocence, yet so brave to do mature things. And you are a stranger who wakes up next to me. Tall and strong, yet so fragile when we were this close. We’ve been here for few days, with not much particular things to do. But there’s nothing more I wanted to do with you anyway.

Days like this should be put in our past. When we didn’t know each other, and busy with our sticky life. When we were young and hot and live the life with full curiosity. We were not afraid to do things we want to do. We crossed the boundaries and do everything on experimental basis. I believe you were slightly skinnier and my eyes have a lot more twinkles. We probably have the same skin tone, back and now. But, damn how we are proud of our appearances now.

When you slowly stroke my hair, and I unconsciously pretended nothing happened, I knew it. This was unregretful spontaneous things I want to have back then. And when we were facing each other, I knew it. This was the missing emotion I should have back then. The young adult woman’s feeling written literally in teenlits genre novels. So eager to explore and and not afraid to try anything. To fall gracefully in love and not ashamed to cry over a heartache.