Once I scribbled on my notebook the way I feel about you, and it might be it. With you, it always feels like the first time again. The same heartbeat, excitement and adrenaline rush. It feels like falling in love all over again. And it doesn’t matter it is with the same person, because the feeling is somehow renewed. Recharged. Refreshed. It feels like being young and seeing someone from the opposite sex with adolescent eyes or the very first time.
It was always the same eyes that couldn’t take off of each other’s. It was always the same arms that hungry for more hugs. Same lips, same words uttered explicitly on how we missed each other. Same kisses, that I now understand why people make clips of the world slowly spins and the couples dangling few inches, hands and lips are intertwined.
Sometimes I wonder how people falls in love, and do they fall in love like this? Like, this sudden, this deep but also uplifting at the same time. Because everytime my eyes meet your eyes, I can feel the ground was shaking, and I no longer set my feet on earth. But instead of falling deep into the instant trench, I feel like floating. I feel light, as less as helium in 99 red balloons.
When the feeling is too big and overwhelming, I lied awake on my bed and think this is it. This it what people feels when they are in love then go write some songs. But some other times, I feel this couldn’t be it. This feeling is so sacred, so intimate, I can’t imagine other people feels the same way like I do.
Maybe that's why we never had a twisted ending. It never ends, and if it is finished I always rewind. I never get bored rerun the scenes and replay the tones, every smiles and every touches. I don't want an ending, I want an everlasting tale that I can tell my grandchildren how this granny once was never old. They will listen in an awe and wonder how could it have been.
And I do to. Few times I stared at the gently falling rain, while imagining things. For instances, all these feelings might have not exist if that day we had dinner and I decided to go home without you. Some other times, I imagined we had dinner and I decided to stay the night but in a different scenes that you wouldn't have to wear the ring. Many times I wonder, a play where we were both young and free. Free as people without baggage, without boundaries and without society pressured us in. Would I be able to feel this strong? Or is it because of our limitations that you managed to drive me wild?
But these questions were disappeared into thin air. I let you show up with surprises and I'd take it as you win. Also I set the time free whenever you give up and decided to be by your self again. I never ever ever complain whenever our lips are apart. The sadness of absence even could not take away the happiness of your presence.
Because as I mentioned, it never reached the edge. No matter we are continents apart or nautical miles away, it was always the same gravity that pulls me towards you. The same tingles that works on my nerve ends. The same you, the same screen. The same old Beatles rarities that we listen to back to back in one weekend.
This is why there is no us in the final chapter. The world will keep on turning, and we never stop running. This series will eventually run out of its course. I can picture myself handing you the keyboard and let you write the closing. You’d probably shake your head and refuse to name our story in any form of screenplay. Why not, baby, why can’t we choose one of the plots? Then I’d shrug, compile guts and type some words or two. Something like a cheesy note with a twisted ending.
Something like this. And this is it.
