I know this is a laughable first-world country problem. Jesse keeps on repeating “It’s just a sweater!” And I couldn’t manage to feel other than sad. Sad is underrated. It is devastating to be exact. I can’t shake it off and decided to wallow for a while.
Back in the beginning of winter, I decided to pamper myself with something nice and cozy that would get me a tad excited about cold weather. I’ve always wanted a stripes sweater in rainbow color and the stars aligned, my favorite clothing brand sold that online. It was a little more than my budget and I took few days of contemplation. But one morning I got up, sleepily checked e-mail and I bought that in a wimp. I cursed myself for couple of days, why did I splurged when I supposed to be saving. But when the sweater arrived, I couldn’t be happier.
In the spirit of spark joy from our beloved Marie Kondo, I realized that was the feeling when you own a piece that you really love and proud of. A piece that was well-designed and in high-quality (albeit the mass production from China) that embodied your value and vibes. It’s just your forever thing. And mine was this bright colorful sweater that I got compliments for every so often. With this, I can conquer the world. At that time, I swear I don’t need to buy another sweater. (Fast forward: I was wrong. Two months later I bought a classic black sweater).
And last night, I couldn’t fit into this sweater anymore, the fabric felt heavy and fuzzy and I sat there with a lot of question in my head. Of course, I turned into youtube to the rescue, did my best soaking it in conditioner, and so on.. Although I managed to pull the wool and it is now in a bigger size than when it just come off the washer, I realized that it will never be the same sweater again. I went to bed with frown and overthinking of what could have been and what I should have not done. A good portion of that involved myself questioning my the spark-joy theory versus attachment. I felt betrayed with my faith in the sweater. It supposed to bring me confidence that I sort things out in my life. But seeing it in tiny form, I’m wondering if I should have bought a cheaper version advertised by targeted ad. I maybe can shrugged it off easily.
It’s just a sweater. But this feeling is devastating, I can’t deny.
