It was just another morning I was caught up in a long arguments in the messenger groups. We were a bunch of kids who used to sit in the same class for three consecutive years. Now, we have part as singers, researchers, moms, teachers, and life traveler.
I escaped the conversation because it was unbearable. Nothing was really serious anyway, it was just the boy kid around sending pictures of sexy girls with big boobs. But it hurts my feeling for reason I don’t know why. I shot down nasty words, and told them that they have degraded women by making them as sex objects and joke around about it. None of the girls protested while I was pretty sure if the conversation would have done in real person, I could scream out loud in high pitch voices.
I was also scared of my self. This little girl who used to be pretty laid back and hide her words, suddenly was too vocal. Too loud. I ditched the phone into my handbag and decided to pedal my bike in a rush.
And during the ride I thought about a lot of things. About my friend who mostly now are married with kids. About how gorgeous the summer day is and one can only appreciate it after enduring the winter. About New York life that is insanely interesting. About families back in Indonesia and what matter the most to them. Then I was lost in the midst of my own thoughts.
I thought I have learn a lot to be a better person and I think this morning I failed at best. Where is the girl who’s understanding, in tolerance and wittily smart? Who is this loud female creatures screaming out to boys and told them how to behave? Why didn’t I just laugh out loud with the others? Don’t you love innuendo and lame sex jokes?
Apparently, getting in touch with long lost friends doesn’t always recall the feeling of a homecoming queen. For sure, I’m not the same anymore. I changed, maybe a little too much. I just can’t deal with this society who’s nosy and asks too many too personal questions. I got irritated by this guy always fishes out with bias questions, do you do sport before bed? I know he was trying to sound funny and triggered laughters from others, while in my opinion he just crossed my boundaries.
The red light flashed and I stopped by the 34th Street junction and smells a coffee lingers in the air. What’s the matter with you and the world? Who’s right and what’s wrong with the other one? I thought that life was getting very good, and probably people are just jealous, no?
I took a right and forget that I have to go straight, decided to stop by at he cafe.
Maybe it is not me or them. Maybe, it is just the kind of morning before caffeine.