2016: Where did we go wrong?

I am so not in the mood to wrap this year with a contemplative writing or some sorts. I feel that this year everything just happened, for better or worse, mostly weird. It makes it difficult to draw some strings or to categorize things. But the tradition must live on, and I kinda miss rambling in English.
So, let’s see.

2016 begins with a new team and a new title: graphic designer. A title that might seems so mundane and hip and all the twenty-something ever think about, including the twenty-something me. Yes, I took a career detour before I got here, but I landed in a pretty good spot. I need to learn and unlearn many things, but never felt this good to be true to myself. Although until now, I sheepishly smile if someone ask what I’m doing which is choosing colors and lay-outing document on a daily basis.
Nothing major happened in the early 2016, maybe because I know I’m not functioning well during winter. So I hauled up with myself in the apartment and read couple of books. We didn’t even have spring! I marched through cold April and May, worked my ass off, spent hours digesting more graphic design books.
And then, boom! It was summer. The summer where I had two two-weeks long vacation, spent endless times by the beach, and was beyond happy. I didn’t even remember any other major life events in the summer, except those smiles and high doses of post-beach session endorphine.
My beau and I managed to visit Indonesia this year. It was a big trip for us, not only in the amount of miles collected, but also a big introduction of Indonesia, islands and culture for him. It also tested us as a couple in a new environment who sometimes barely knows each other.

Fall was dedicated to another phase of learning as I enrolled in a advance graphic design class. I guess the gift of learning is the one that stays with me the longest. The teacher is super awesome and encouraging, the assignments were interesting although could be time consuming. This time I was not shy to give comments in class and actually enjoy the critique class. At the very last session we watched Milton Glayser video and commencement speech by David Foster Wallace as we enjoyed drinks and crackers. I guess I had too much white wine that time, but those clips sank deep into me, as I wrapped my head around the idea of learning and failure.

On the downside, digital life was messy. I’m not into twitter anymore since there are too many marketing induced and sponsored tweet. Instagram was heavily infused by jealousy. And Facebook, oh dear Facebook God, did you intentionally created Facebook to channel that many hatred? I thought dislike button was for fun.
These clutter and noise poked me to commit to less news source. I read at least one article from nytimes these days. And oh, blogosphere still consists of the best people in the internet *fistbump*

And the rest of 2016 was a bit cold and incoherent for me. There was this pang in my heart knowing that I live in the world without David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince, Muhammad Ali and Leonard Cohen. There was this sick in the stomach counting the day of the new president of the United States will be in full force. Where did we go wrong?

I guess everything happens for some reasons. Maybe we haven’t seen the light through the crack, maybe we need more reasons to learn and be relevant. Maybe, this world is indeed a bad place if we do nothing about it. But I honestly have no clue. Like I said, it is been difficult to contemplate things these days. Maybe because on the spiritual or side, I am kinda depleted this year. Nothing really enlightened me and I stop searching for my happy place. Because I know, summer ;)
On the contrary of last year note, this year I found that happiness is not a place or destination. It is us or myself or this soft spot in the centre of my chest that warmth my whole being every time I spend minutes watching kitten video. It is this strange illusions that we must go somewhere to be, but we don’t have to. It is kinda like a feel good lost feeling. I guess in 2016 we learn that we have been doing it wrong all this time, in a hard way.

So, taking notes from a rotten year, may we take a little time to be with ourselves, before we throw a better version of us out there. May we find our centre, our core, our reasons to be here. May 2017 be the year we find our way home and open the door to let people in.

And thank you 2016 for the Stranger Things, Raden Mandasia si Pencuri Daging Sapi and Hinds full album.