Here

And there's nowhere else I'd rather be.
To be hypnotized by its beauty.
Unless it is your eyes.
Or the shadow of your walk.

Carpenter Addict

Long ago, and, oh so far away
I fell in love with you
Before the second show
Your guitar, it sounds so sweet and clear
But you're not really here
It's just the radio

Don't you remember you told me
You loved me baby?
You said you'd be coming back
This way again baby
Baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby
I love you, I really do

Loneliness is such a sad affair
And I can hardly wait
To be with you again
What to say, to make you come again?
Come back to me again
And play your sad guitar

Superstar – Sonic Youth OST Juno (cover version of Carpenter)

I’ve been madly in love with the Carpenters. Maybe simply because the melody and the spontaneous lyrics. Or maybe because the hairstyles. Will stuff the songs into my MP3 player, so I can listen to them over and over. Whenever I intend to or feel like echoing the rhythm in my brain. Anywhere is.
By the sea will be perfect. By your side, wouldn’t it be overrated?

*menghitung jam menuju garis pantai berikutnya

Anyone Else But You

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You know I amazed by the scene when the girl grabbed her guitar and rode her bicycle along the road. The boy is ready with his guitar on his lap then they were playing the guitar while singing the song. Not perfectly, but beautifully still. You know I like the way they met at the porch and the sun is shining on the girl’s face. And you know I instantly smitten by the song. I know by the way you smiled, that you know her bicycle is the next thing on my wish list.

What you don’t know is, having my belly bloated up like the girl, is also in my wish list.
And another thing, there was another scene that amazed me.

The girl: “I think I’m in love with you. You're like... the coolest person I've ever met and you don't even have to try.
The boy: “I try really hard actually.”

Yup, I wish I had this kind of courage to come up to you and said it aimlessly like the girl did.
Instead of writing the words down on blog like this.

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Anyone Else But You – Moldy Peaches
OST Juno

Pen Pal

Pen pals. Yup, I know nowadays people use email, facsimile and they even use their cell phones as their life partner for communicating. Not only short messages, but also love letters. Recently, I haven’t been doing any post mail activities except for work related, but I was a teenager on early nineties, so this post mail activities were part of my world back then. A big part. It was an on and off hobbies. Sometimes I have 10 pen pals at the same times, sometimes it was one or two pen pals that actively sending mails back and forth.

One of the most memorable one was Wawan. He was a guy from East Nusa Tenggara who did fencing, he was an athlete and worship rock music at the same time. That was our something in common. The music part, of course, back then I even could not run properly. We shared stories about music a whole lot. He liked Dream Theatre, while I craved for Bon Jovi. We both liked Nirvana. And we both hated Tommy J Pisa. And the list went countless.
It was really exciting, the way we shared stories. I didn’t have many male pen pals, and girls rarely understood Yngwie Malmsteen. So, I always waited for a letter from him. I waited for our next discussion about the happening rock band, as well as his juicy love stories. He had a girlfriend who lived in Jakarta, while I was hopelessly in love with my junior high school crush.

I remember, I always had this fantasy about visiting his town, meet him eye to eye and then we would go on and on talking about music industry or the next rock gigs we were craving to mosh in. Probably he would tell me that he had broken up with his girlfriend and I would still be that naïve girl who was too much in love with her classmate. Probably we could have been skipped the love department and back to our main passion: music.
It was the hellluva fourteen years a go. And today, I am standing in the land of his town which he always wrote stylishly as Qoe-Punk. I strolled along a street and looked at a name written on the sign: W.J. Lalamentik, then I remember this as a street I used to write on the front of the envelopes addressed to him. I try to track down on how I imagined the city would be. Was it the picture of dusty and grayish scenery? Or was it the beautiful shoreline and greenish lontar trees? Too bad, this probably written in bad sector memories. But the experienced I had today answered a little bit of my curiosity.

Of course it was too hard to track him back, even in his hometown. He might get married already, have three children and live outside of this town. But certainly I bear him in mind, physically from the picture he sent me. More ever, the content has been existing in my mind; the stories we shared and the dreams we had. I remember a girl who always wrote eagerly explained everything from her point of view. I memorize who I once was, and gratefully smiled to be the girl I am now.

Shifting

By the sea, and so I am here. They say it is such a paradise. I was once in love with this land. Well, maybe I have been in love until now, but certainly based on different reasons. Let us have a little flash back.

2000, in the name of missing beach very much, I decided to have a single adventure. And it turned out that the trip was exhausting and the vacation became surf branded stuffs shopping spree. None of the adventure here. Not to mention light weight backpacking trip, my duffel bag was filled with billa bong, rip curls, souvenirs and all the things you don’t need in survival.

Had several chances to visit this land again and but still I had the same feeling. Yes, I had declared my self that I was a teenage beach girl and despite of jumping myself to the water, I kept my self dry. Not too tanned skin, and showed off with my best beach outfit, shorts and sleeveless tee. Of course with the brand printed big on them. And this land has it all. Look at the wide beach, the international crowd, the shops lined up in front and the clubs. I was in love and a little bit amazed of my self for having traveled this far. Probably it was similar with high school love. All those shiny stuffs. And I wore them proudly as I watched the sun set in. It was lovely.
2009, and look at me now. In the same land. And guess what I am doing now? Instead of showing off with big frame sunglasses, very short shorts, and tank top, I choose to be everyday me. Just a simple t-shirt, mid-length shorts and flip flops, dragged my laptop to the closest place where I can find wireless internet connection. I have been sending email, writing reports and editing some pictures in the vacation spot. I don’t feel like enjoying holiday today, silly me. At least, this is not the way I enjoy the shore line.

So, things have been changing considerately. Ouw, pardon me, this land is still the same old story. Your best destination for holiday, where it sucks out your money like vacuum cleaner in the name of tourism. But, I feel something inside of me is shifting. Funny thing is, I was not that much smitten with this land again. I don’t like the people, the crowd in the street and I feel intimidated by the surf stores popped up in every junctions. Surely strange, I didn’t know I have to let go.

As people come and go, and destination twisted, everything changes. We might be a better person for being back, now and then. It is not the matter of the place where we stay, but it is the matter of the place where we have been. So, this afternoon I was smiling while sit quietly, as if I was watching an ex boyfriend going away in his own path. A sincere let go of a precious thing in life.

I am staring away from my computer screen a little. And suddenly I am seeing an orangish scene. Oh boy, it must be the magical sun. She is settling in. So, in a minute I will turn off my computer and autistically do the thing I love the most. Watching the sun set in. I have been in love with this kind of activity. No matter how distant I have traveled or whoever I might meet up along the way.

As people come and go, destination twisted, and everything changes, there must something left to stay at the exact space. Constantly reside here and dissolving in my soul. The biggest part of me, at all times.

And how I wish you continuosly are, lover.

City Love

I could fall in love for certain cities. I really do stupid things like that. Sometimes it is a love at first sight, and sometimes it goes like the romance in Meg Ryan movies. You know that kind of thing when boy meet girl, just friends, things happen, they hate each other, but separated made them realize that they need each other, and then there they go, kissing in front of the public in the airport. It happens between me and the city.

Let’s say, I am the girl. And the cities are boy.

The case between me and Kobe (of course this is not Kobe Bryan the handsome basketball player. And FYI I don’t fall in love for those types. Ah don’t you even care. ). Ok where was I? Yes, I fell in love with Kobe, love at first sight. The moment I step my foot on the train station and saw Panda posters all over wall, I felt the tickle. And then I went around the city. I hold my breath, and felt a bunch of warm feelings all over my heart. Physically, Kobe is perfect. Not too big (I am not into big guys), not too noisy (I lurve quiet guys), and most of all located by the sea (oh yes beach boys you all have had my heart). Iche, my friend who introduced Kobe to me, told me Kobe history. And it was overwhelming. The fact that, on 1995 Kobe hit by devastating earthquake, touched me in the heart. And looking at how strong and tall Kobe is standing now, was the moment that me realize that I was falling for the right guy. Knowing one can live through rough conditions is a guarantee that he is someone to rely on. Tough guy, turns me on.

And Meg Ryan story is what happening between me and this city. Just a second, it is too soon to reveal the name here.

The first time I look at him, ouw hell. What a mess he is. Bad boy, but not the type I can easily fell in love with. Noisy, too big with a bunch of crap. He is too loud as well. It is night time, and you can still him talking. But I have to be with him, let’s say for one year ahead, so be nice to each other please. At the first place, it was awful experiences he gave me. I didn’t feel save around him, and safety is the top of the things girl should get from a guy. So, how can’t I love him?

But time flies. As we strolled around together, he taught me many things, particularly about life. About being independent, struggling, believing in the path you’ve taken and about finding home in the heart of your closest fellas. About the safety thing, he taught me indirectly, that guys should always give girls safety feeling, but girls should be aware to her surrounding and not too dependent on guys. Well, it might be imprecise, but more or less it was the lesson I have learnt. And many more. In short, I am overwhelmed by the indirect way he guides me through life and how the two of us never gave up learning about each other.
And so, after a fight (yes we have it sometimes), I took days off outside town. But just like those romantic movies and cliché phrase: you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Sort of. I gazed at the bus window and realized, I miss Jakarta so much.

And soon, there will be scene where he and I will be kissing in front of the public at the airport. Yes, I’m going away, but for the time being I don’t mind to go home to him.

On a ride

I wanna go in a date. With my lover. He is tall and skinny. And he drives the vehicle so carefully. The way he manages to hold the gear is so attempting. So I manage to hold it too. And find his hand instead. He smiled. For a while he switches the object of his glance. A warm look, eye to eye. And without any words, I know exactly what’s in his mind. I didn’t say any words as well. Yup, Let’s holding hands, dear. It will make both of us stronger.