Shifting

By the sea, and so I am here. They say it is such a paradise. I was once in love with this land. Well, maybe I have been in love until now, but certainly based on different reasons. Let us have a little flash back.

2000, in the name of missing beach very much, I decided to have a single adventure. And it turned out that the trip was exhausting and the vacation became surf branded stuffs shopping spree. None of the adventure here. Not to mention light weight backpacking trip, my duffel bag was filled with billa bong, rip curls, souvenirs and all the things you don’t need in survival.

Had several chances to visit this land again and but still I had the same feeling. Yes, I had declared my self that I was a teenage beach girl and despite of jumping myself to the water, I kept my self dry. Not too tanned skin, and showed off with my best beach outfit, shorts and sleeveless tee. Of course with the brand printed big on them. And this land has it all. Look at the wide beach, the international crowd, the shops lined up in front and the clubs. I was in love and a little bit amazed of my self for having traveled this far. Probably it was similar with high school love. All those shiny stuffs. And I wore them proudly as I watched the sun set in. It was lovely.
2009, and look at me now. In the same land. And guess what I am doing now? Instead of showing off with big frame sunglasses, very short shorts, and tank top, I choose to be everyday me. Just a simple t-shirt, mid-length shorts and flip flops, dragged my laptop to the closest place where I can find wireless internet connection. I have been sending email, writing reports and editing some pictures in the vacation spot. I don’t feel like enjoying holiday today, silly me. At least, this is not the way I enjoy the shore line.

So, things have been changing considerately. Ouw, pardon me, this land is still the same old story. Your best destination for holiday, where it sucks out your money like vacuum cleaner in the name of tourism. But, I feel something inside of me is shifting. Funny thing is, I was not that much smitten with this land again. I don’t like the people, the crowd in the street and I feel intimidated by the surf stores popped up in every junctions. Surely strange, I didn’t know I have to let go.

As people come and go, and destination twisted, everything changes. We might be a better person for being back, now and then. It is not the matter of the place where we stay, but it is the matter of the place where we have been. So, this afternoon I was smiling while sit quietly, as if I was watching an ex boyfriend going away in his own path. A sincere let go of a precious thing in life.

I am staring away from my computer screen a little. And suddenly I am seeing an orangish scene. Oh boy, it must be the magical sun. She is settling in. So, in a minute I will turn off my computer and autistically do the thing I love the most. Watching the sun set in. I have been in love with this kind of activity. No matter how distant I have traveled or whoever I might meet up along the way.

As people come and go, destination twisted, and everything changes, there must something left to stay at the exact space. Constantly reside here and dissolving in my soul. The biggest part of me, at all times.

And how I wish you continuosly are, lover.

City Love

I could fall in love for certain cities. I really do stupid things like that. Sometimes it is a love at first sight, and sometimes it goes like the romance in Meg Ryan movies. You know that kind of thing when boy meet girl, just friends, things happen, they hate each other, but separated made them realize that they need each other, and then there they go, kissing in front of the public in the airport. It happens between me and the city.

Let’s say, I am the girl. And the cities are boy.

The case between me and Kobe (of course this is not Kobe Bryan the handsome basketball player. And FYI I don’t fall in love for those types. Ah don’t you even care. ). Ok where was I? Yes, I fell in love with Kobe, love at first sight. The moment I step my foot on the train station and saw Panda posters all over wall, I felt the tickle. And then I went around the city. I hold my breath, and felt a bunch of warm feelings all over my heart. Physically, Kobe is perfect. Not too big (I am not into big guys), not too noisy (I lurve quiet guys), and most of all located by the sea (oh yes beach boys you all have had my heart). Iche, my friend who introduced Kobe to me, told me Kobe history. And it was overwhelming. The fact that, on 1995 Kobe hit by devastating earthquake, touched me in the heart. And looking at how strong and tall Kobe is standing now, was the moment that me realize that I was falling for the right guy. Knowing one can live through rough conditions is a guarantee that he is someone to rely on. Tough guy, turns me on.

And Meg Ryan story is what happening between me and this city. Just a second, it is too soon to reveal the name here.

The first time I look at him, ouw hell. What a mess he is. Bad boy, but not the type I can easily fell in love with. Noisy, too big with a bunch of crap. He is too loud as well. It is night time, and you can still him talking. But I have to be with him, let’s say for one year ahead, so be nice to each other please. At the first place, it was awful experiences he gave me. I didn’t feel save around him, and safety is the top of the things girl should get from a guy. So, how can’t I love him?

But time flies. As we strolled around together, he taught me many things, particularly about life. About being independent, struggling, believing in the path you’ve taken and about finding home in the heart of your closest fellas. About the safety thing, he taught me indirectly, that guys should always give girls safety feeling, but girls should be aware to her surrounding and not too dependent on guys. Well, it might be imprecise, but more or less it was the lesson I have learnt. And many more. In short, I am overwhelmed by the indirect way he guides me through life and how the two of us never gave up learning about each other.
And so, after a fight (yes we have it sometimes), I took days off outside town. But just like those romantic movies and cliché phrase: you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Sort of. I gazed at the bus window and realized, I miss Jakarta so much.

And soon, there will be scene where he and I will be kissing in front of the public at the airport. Yes, I’m going away, but for the time being I don’t mind to go home to him.

On a ride

I wanna go in a date. With my lover. He is tall and skinny. And he drives the vehicle so carefully. The way he manages to hold the gear is so attempting. So I manage to hold it too. And find his hand instead. He smiled. For a while he switches the object of his glance. A warm look, eye to eye. And without any words, I know exactly what’s in his mind. I didn’t say any words as well. Yup, Let’s holding hands, dear. It will make both of us stronger.

Miss Most

I would like to pop him a question “what do you miss most about UK?” And there he stood questioning me back, “What do you miss most about Banda Aceh?”
Then I would probably go on blabbering…

Of course it was the most beautiful places on earth that can be visited when the weekend comes. Lampuu beach, you have my heart in every single bit of sand, every single unit of water and every single second of sunset.
I miss the coffee. It was the perfect combination of bitter, sweet, sour, foam, milky and micro crushed grainy coffee beans. The coffee shop is where everybody knows everybody. I like it when I enter the room, every head would turn to stare at me and I found stars in their eyes.
And the temporary compound set up in the boundary between Aceh Besar and Banda Aceh. You can see red and white literally painted on the wall and some of them are hung in the air. It was an internationally local place, your ticket to see the world. From this point I gained some strengths and a rush adrenaline in my blood to give my best.
Home, is another thing I miss. Not that I don’t have home. I do have one; maybe I carry it around everywhere. But, the home I took as a postal address in Banda Aceh is really really home. It was not a big mansion or a fancy two-room apartment. Instead, it was a decent house, located in the heart of the city and filled up with everyone who can share their contagious happiness. Ah, yes so I miss the time after 10 o’clock every night where we all gathered in the living room watching local TV show (so who needs cable when we had all the fun?) and laugh uncontrollably. I usually nodded my head of while reading a book or two. Oh my God, sesak di dada nih.

And after a while, I stare at him, touting my eyebrows, “hey, I did popped the question first. What do you miss most when you were in UK?”

Unbalance smile and stars in the eyes, “You.”

Happy … uhm… let’s do the math later… Monthniversarry. 4 March 2008.