Head Over Heels

Listening to Swing Out Sisters. And I can feel my heart is crashing. Trembling. Once, there was something huge here. Fullfilled. Spilled. And everyone can tell just by looking into my eyes.

Once, there was this huge feeling. In this room. When Somewhere in the World is in the air. I couldn’t believe we’ve ever danced to this song. You took me by the hand. You said, It was something in the way I sway. I kept on humming, “We can make it happen, we can touch the sky…”. We moved together. I burried my head in your stomache. Tried hard to reach you, to feel you, to make you as a part mine. To be with you, without handing you my heart. Never thought that would be the hardest thing to do.

Now, you’re not here. Anymore. And soon, you’ll be moving out of space. You even sung “I’m leaving on the jetplane…” with your soft voice. Literally you’re not moving at all. But I can’t feel your presence. Empty. Cool air. And a prayer that you won’t go away forever.

I looked into the mirror. Is that a reflection of you?

Then, I see a girl with the smile on her face, silly looking bangs, attempting lips and talking eyes. There is something big in her heart. I mean, HUGE.

Here and now
Can’t stop what’s happening
Head over heels and falling helplessly in love
Here and now
Reaching an all time high
Head over heals
In love with life
Here and Now – Swing Out Sisters

I miss having you by my side. although I know you are here. maybe the closest thing to my iron lung.

Minggu - Sabbath - Sunday - Ahad

It’s approximately 15 minutes to start uploading the map to GPS. But let me write this at the first place.

Another lazy Sunday. Never thought I’d feel this way again. But I spent the entire day at that house. Woke up with sounds from Red Hot Chilli Peppers all over it. Cool. Caught the glimpse of ‘Cardigans, Live in London’ dvd and can’t help but screaming. “Yes, we will watch it, Dita.”
The voice of Nina Persson, the sounds of guitar, the sunshine all over the house, me busy with fireworks, he was trying hard to focus on his works, and books all around us. Cups of coffee afterward.

On Monday, my ears only tolerated Cardigans songs. This is the reminiscence of Sunday. Sabbath.
Sorry officemate, you will hear Iron Man over and over and over again.

Nobody will ever let you know
When you ask the reasons why
They just tell you that you're on your own
Fill your head all full of lies
Sabbath Bloody Sabbath – The Cardigans
- especially for Bloody Sunday, even there's no blood at all -

I’m not a liar. I just shouted out to the world the words ‘I love you’ . Though I’ll never confess it to you. I hope the fireworks I made will reveal all..

Surprise me

Five people. Five persons had said that recently I looked different. Am I? They said my face was very bright and I continuosly smile. Someone said that I laughed and laughed and laughed most of the time, even at the silliest joke. They don’t find me pout in distate in the corner anymore. Wow, I never thought I used to do that in the past time.
I know I am that very much expressive girl who’s bad at hiding her feeling. Whatever weighed deep inside of me, you can look at me and you will read me like an open book. Moreever, maybe I am that children book with big pictures and 24 font size that you can read out loud even from a distance. Still I wonder. They know it. They know something’s happening to me though I didn’t realize what it is.
They do sense the intention. The sparkling in my eyes and the shine in my hair. It is obvious.
I laughed when they were telling me those things. Am I? They nodded and I laughed again. Oh yeah, I guess they were right, after all. I laugh too often these days.
Then I looked to the mirror. Hoping to see the reflection of the girl in me.

And I see you, instead.

Love comes like surprise ice on the water,
Love comes like surprise ice at dawn.
- Surprise Ice – Kings of Convenience -

The perfect date

Today is the day.
I know, someday there will be days like this. A moment when I have to convince my self that he is not mine after all. After all this time. After all the days we had. Not the memories that flashes back. Not the picture of him that projected in the front of my very eyes. Not the reminiscence of his sweet lips and his warm hugs. Not the unusual time we spent together, twice in a year. Not the fact that he’s broken up with his girlfriend and I’m not available. Not the fact that I’m single and he’s enganged. Not the fact that we refused to name our relationship. Na. I guess those aren't the facts.
But he told me about a day like this. That I should not be surprised or even betrayed. I know he expects the smile on my face and the sincere prayer for him. I know he doesn’t want any tears involved in this He is so right. Just like he always does. He picks the perfect things on exactly the right time. Good job, millions of opportunity, a great city to live in, good pair of shoes and comfortable places to hang out. He even picked the perfect date for his wedding.
06 06 06

Love is a Big Truth

Just like Pepeng and Lioni once said, “…we always imagined if there was someone special by our side while we were listening to the song…”
Damn.
And the song gets me in the head.

In my mind, it would be like this:
One cozy afternoon. The rain is falling lightly outside. And here I am. A warm room. A blanket. A Couch. The song. And him. He is tall and skinny. His lips are moving slightly, rhyming every words of the songs which he remembers so well. But sometimes the edges of the lips stretched from ear to ear, when he hears me, falsing every notes of the songs. He loves the smile I have on my face, just like I like to do silly things just to make him smile. I laid my head on his lap, burrying my self on pages of a good read, trying to feel his warmth scene. His faded blue jeans, his overworn t-shirt, and his big belt buckle. He is tall and skinny, his skin colour is paler than mine. He looked at my face for three seconds and then stared blank ahead. His long thin fingers began to stroke my hair and made me wish to stop the clock from ticking. He is tall and skinny and stared blank ahead. But I know what is exactly on his mind.
And then he kissed me.

There, I’ve constructed my mind to have a date like that.
But in reality, it would be like this:
One cozy night. The rain is falling lightly outside. And here I am. A warm room. A bluejacket. A Couch. The song. And him. He is tall and skinny, his skin colour is paler than mine. The song.
….
*cencored*
And then ke kissed me.

All I do is sleep all day, And think of you.
A memory of the cushion life
I'm clinging to.
The image of a mutual one, our haven.
The sombre chords of our song, The fading.
Love is no big truth, Driven by our genes, We are simple selfish beings.
A symphony that's you,
Joyously awaking the ignorant and sleeping.
Passion and its brother hate, They come and go.
Could easily be made To stay for longer though.
Many people play this game So willingly,
Do I have to be like them, Or be lonely?
Love is no big truth, Driven by our genes, We are simple selfish beings.
A symphony that's you,
Joyously awaking the ignorant and sleeping.
I'll never need it again.

Love is No Big Truth - Kings of Convenience