Brigade Salju

Here, I declare that I am the type of beach girl. Beach with capital B. You can call me bitch either, I don’t care. I am all that sunshine, sea breezes, white sand, coral reef, crushing waves, coconut trees, lemon squash, colorful beach ball, bikinis, you named it. Summer will be my middle name, and bright color flips flops will be the best suitable footwear for the season. I get all high and selling cheap smiles on the sea side. Woulbn't mind, if my ultra short pants get wet because of all the splashing salt water.

Instead of playing Welcome to My Paradise by that Coconut reggae band, I’m in love with Snow Brigade. I’m getting high with all the sound of distortion guitar and the lightweight vocalist voice. In the cold cold air of my office room, I can paint a picture in my brain projector. It will be all white. Almost all white. Well, maybe a little brown spot here and there and grayish blue dust for the color of the sky. Instead of tanning skin, which I believe will make me sexier; there will be natural pinkish blush-on on my getting-chubby cheeks. Say goodbye to bikinis, we need layers of warm clothes here. I will desperately seeking for sunshine, for sure.

But, if it is the price I have to pay to be next to you, I don’t mind. At all.

enable to bring out the something
you want to know beneath the snow
in winter your an affiction
that repeatedly defeated me
because i'll find you somewhere
show you how much i care
know that there is no escape
from my snow brigade
bring out the someone
you want to see for jealousy
we all know one day you'll leave behind
your everything
and feel the spring come
my arms retreat
i wish they were there to hold you

mew - snow brigade

The dream of Dokodemo Door

Have you ever wished for something unimagined, unreal and impossible to reach? So unreachable until you wake up in the middle of the night and look up. So impossible until you often laugh at your self and turn your back again. So unreal until you doubt yourself if there were such things existed.
Have you ever questioned yourself about the way your brain imagined things? About how wild it can be and how crazy it may seems to have a kind of wishful thinking. About yourself, your desire and how ridiculous it will turn out.
Have you ever wanted anything so bad, ‘till you cried in your daytime for having them to let go? You have been waiting impatiently and you’ve been helplessly trying to get rid of them.

They say everything will be beautiful in the right time. Hell, yeah. What will be the right time except now and then? Ah, you might want to save a little prayer for it. Save everything you own for a chance of make it realizes. Save it for your next year resolution, or a curse in a Halloween nite. Save it for the dawn to come as you’ll be alone with the almighty. Save it for a shooting star or an 11:11 popping in your digital clock. Save it for your birthday wishes. Or save it for the time when your insanity takes over your consciousness.

Have you ever wondered the way things installed in your head? They continuously produce the same reason for every action and reaction. Objectives, and everything you do become subjective, selfishly evolve around you.
Or so help me. I get all crazy for the obsession of Doraemon and his Dokodemo door. Arrrrrggghhhh!!!

Dokodemo door (どこでもドア, Dokodemo door^? lit. anywhere door)
One of Doraemon's most commonly used gadgets is the dokodemo door, a door which allows travel to anywhere by simply going through the door. In an early story, the door is able to travel to the end of the universe, but in later chapters, the door is said to only be able to travel a maximum distance of 100,000 light years and cannot access other dimensions. Another limitation of the door is that it can only safely connect two known locations in its mapping computer. sumber.

Or whatever could lead me back to you.

Blue sky, eyes and jacket back in then 1995

Today I’ll be off to Lam No again. They say it’s the place where you can find Aceh people with blue eyes. Apparently, I didn’t met one at the last visit. Did tsunami sweep them away? Hopefully, no.

Visiting Lam No is like traveling with a time machine. Aha, Doraemon can use the drawer, and I can go with L-300 vehicle with all that ‘jedang-jdung-jedang-jedung’ dischotique music all the way there. Grutee is the main entrance. Check your weapon here, ok? Next, you will be flying to another level of time.

The moment you check your calendar, it is 2006. Still, it is in Lam No. Wake up just after the dawn, then you can still have a warm water shower and use your hair dryer. After that, you can wander around the city and have fun.

You walk around the market, which is the center of city. Have a breakfast with a plate of super tasty noodle (pssst, it is really different from the one you usually have in Banda Aceh) and sit in an old wooden chair. You drive along the Banda Aceh – Meulaboh road. This is a river city, water is everywhere you go. The bridge is still under construction, so you across the river by a raft and have a chance to feel the splashing water. Have lunch in a local restaurant and a chance to visit traditional houses of Aceh. You wander around the city and find a quiet environment with green hills and light grey sky in the background. It is 5 o’clock in the afternoon and you go home. False action, your hotel will be rather gloomy. Electricity will be available from 6 pm until the next sunrise. Yup, just wait.
Sunset. It is dark outside, but you have the light. People with no generator will wake up and begin their works. It is the other way of cycle of life here.
Charge your cell phone battery, but hey, there’s no access because of the limitation of signal. Then back to Grutee, your door to your world and check your weapon again. Minutes of nice conversation. Short messages come and go. Leaving a warm feeling until you feel exhausted. On the way back, you meet a local military movement and sense their power. Ah, you have nothing to do with that kind of political stuff. You go back to your room. Turn on the light, apply mosquito repellent on your skin and grab your sarong. Close your eyes.
You wake up before dawn and check out your calendar. It is 2006. Still have the light. You open the window. Inhale the air of Lam No and feel fresh and a little bit chilly. Sunrise. Stare at the scenery and think back yesterday. Hell no, this is not 2006!

If you happen to be in 1995, with no cell phone since there’s no signal, no internet connection, limited electricity, strict rules, limited access to another places, the domination of local power military, and slow environment, would you go to Grutee as your entrance to 2006?

Of course you will have to leave the blue eyes. Unless they’re going away with you.

Ah. I will go anywhere with you, rockstar. No need of a pair of blue eyes.

Better Make It Last

Better Make It Better - Swing Out Sister

Take it fast, take is slow, But it won't soften the blow When it's time to go
May be old, may be scared But you'll never be prepared For that final blow
Better use your wits or you'll lose your mind...
There's a world to discover and you're running Out of time Life's a roller coaster ride
That took you by surprise Now you're burnin' up inside
Better make it better, Better make it better, Better make it better,
Cause time is running out fast. You can scream you can shout, But when your time runs out Deep inside you'll know
May be rich, may be poor, But when you knock at Heaven's door, Well you have to go
Make the most of what you've got
For it's better than to not have anything at all.
Take each day as it's your last
Or you'll find the future's passed and you're left with nothing at all

Better make it better, Make it last

I love Swing Out Sisters so much. I can listen to their hits, in a row, all day, over and over again.
The witty melody will make you want to move your body. At least your thumbs ;) Maybe you roll your eyes up and smile. Read the lines, and you'll find that there's more to this life. So much more you can explore.
Now, you know why...

Before Dawn

In the middle of fasting month, you begin to doubt yourself. Your question of life, faith, love and everything evolves around them, rise again. You begin to wonder, whether God listen to your prayers, or he’s away somewhere. And if he listens, will he ever bother to make it realize? He just needs one snap of fingers, while you need to work your ass off to reach your dreams.

But then again you wake up in the middle of the night. It’s been days and you keep humming the same sentences. You know, this month only comes once in a year, so you’d better make the best of it. You hear a lot of sound from mosque nearby. In a place between asleep and awake you get down on your knees and look up. As if God is floating in your attic.

In a time just before dawn, I always feel like he comes from the attic, and sit still in front of me. He smiles. I offer him a cup of coffee. And as usual, cups of coffee and thousand stories always come in a package. He drinks his black macchiato while I sip my French vanilla latte slowly. Too busy to enjoy the coffee, my thousand stories need to be burst out. I am far too afraid of running out of time. Because when the dawn is coming I have to stop. Have to take my proper meal. And he smiles again with the promise to accompany me on the day.

"Hey God, maybe you’re the only one who listens to me right now. And maybe you started to feel fed up about my questions. I can’t help but ask you again all the questions popped in my head. Hey God, am I in the right path? If this isn’t for me, then why do I feel joy about it? And that tall guy? Yeah, the one appears on the pictures I keep on my wallet. Is he really the one? What? A hard question? There’s no such thing as a hard question for you! Kidding me… And my dream becoming a supermodel, will it ever come true? High heels might do? Aha. Nah, you’re joking again."

It’s fun to have a little chit chat with him. He has a good sense of humor. Sometimes it’s too much.

"Hey God, I am sleepy. Really. I'm not kidding. It’s been a nice conversation, though. Tomorrow we’ll meet again? Oh, owkey. Exact time and location? Well, maybe more or less. Ouw, tomorrow I’ll be staying at a friend house. You know the way? Ouw, is it closer to your place? Great, great. Ah, distance doesn’t matter to you anyway."

Although, the idea of sharing cups of coffee at 3 in the morning with an invisible partner seems a little bit terrifying. But the thing can ease the inner me. And as I lay my head on my blue pillow, with the doraemon doll in my arms, you can see the smile on my face. By the time I wake up, I won’t be so alone

He promised to accompany me today. And tomorrow. Hopefully he’s not joking around.

Dementor Ability

If you ever read Harry Potter, you must be familiar with this role: Dementor. For those who haven’t read the book, dementor is a kind of jailer, a person who works in a jail to guard and take care after prisoners. Unlike jailer, dementors don’t walk around the prison with military uniform wannabe, and carry around a cudgel in their hand. J.K Rowling is very genius to let them use old and faded cloak, let their hands be free enough to hide under it (or at least I thought so by reading the book). Instead of physical weapon, Rowling gave them an ability to suck away the happiness from people around them. Without showing off much details, they just exist to make you feel bad. That’s why Azkaban, the prison, is the least place you want to be in.

The idea of using a dementor in a prison sounds great. There’s nothing worse than taking away your happiness, your hope and your reason to breathe. Maybe in ordinary jail you get beaten up, served insects as your breakfast, and abused by dinner. But with a happiness in your heart, and a wishful thinking in your head, you can still survive. There’s nothing they can do to replace them, if they exist for no reason.

Dementor do the best of their job as a jailer. They will succesfully create negative atmosphere whenever they around. In the name of justice. Great.

But I suggest you not to be one.
I don’t wanna be one, either.

Because I love to keep my happiness. In a closest distance to my heart. And everyone around me. If there’s an antidote for Dementor, I will be one. If dementor chase away your happiness, then I wanna be the one who give it away. It is something to share. And believe me, you’ll never run out of happiness although you spread it around. It will only make you richer. Just like the sun who never get tired of giving its shine.

Yeah, I wanna be a sunhine of this life. And you, please don’t be such a dementor for me or everyone else around you. We all need our hope, happiness and our reason to breathe.

Latest Addiction

Recently I’ve been addicted to:

Smashing Pumpkins Well I think this is for forever. But can’t help buat listening to Cherub Rock over over over and over again. And don’t mention Porcelina of the Vast Ocean. Uh hu. Love that sound of guitar distorsion.

3Ds Max I just can’t believe that I have the courage to install the program in my computer and make sumthing out of it. Ok, maybe it’s not Finding Nemo I created. Only snapshots of Saree Site Plan from different angles. The site plan itself is less than simple. Only houses align along the pathway. But, I am so proud of my self. I even spent all the weekend for it. Yes, I was still in the office at 10 pm on Saturday nite. But, please don’t be sorry for me, ‘cause I learnt something new, I created something and proof that I still have the will to live and learn. Oprah might say, “You will never grow ola as long as you keep on learning…” Well, there you go, Oprah.

Vanilla Latte I found a box of Vanilla Latte in my food box back while I was cleaning my room. OK doky, this is gonna be great. Well, I brought packs of it from Bandung, but because I forgot to buy instant coffees for office supply, all of my Vanilla Latte just grabbed by everybody. They just didn’t bother with a bag of Takengon coffee. Whatever it is, I need thosse dozes of caffeine. Oh my, I begin to get along well with coffee here.

Chocolate At the first place, I manage to give all the chocos I bought in Batam for my beloved friends. But all the Kiwis chocolate, Peppermint chocholate, and bars of Richfield just can’t wait. I need those for amphetamine, replacing my lunch meal.

You In any forms. Regardless you appeared as text on my messenger or voice coming out from my cellphone. Moreever, past conversation I saved on notepad that I read over and over. I can stare at pictures of your smile. Or just your simple name written on my blog. Thousand times.

Silly.

Sleep will not come to this tired body now
Peace will not come to this lonely heart
There are some things I'll live without
But I want you to know that I need you right now
I need you tonite

In the Arms of Sleep – Smashing Pumpkins

Brain vs Heart

It must be the inconsistency of how my brain works. The things just switch from one purpose to another without any reason.

There are days that it makes me itch to go outside, even for nothing at all, when everything I have to do is left at home. For example, last Saturday. I don’t know why, but I manage to do all the laundry first thing in the morning, then took a bath. Without any specific destination to go. Yeah, Nova asked me to accompany her working at the office, but I don’t think it worthed it. Since, there was no certainty from Nova, I picked another option to go with Iwing, Pak Rudy and Awan instead. We spent the days at Iday’s house, without things to do in particular, except cooked lunch and had durian as a dessert. What happened in the night was the way my brain works, once again. Me and Nova was dying to go outside. For anything. We searched through phone numer list on our cellphone and tried to ignore all the rejections. But we ended having dinner with a friend. And spent the rest of the night watching a view from Peunayong bridge. Yeah, no one has made my day, but I fell asleep feeling ok.

There are days when my brain have a control of my self as an anti-sosial person. Just like today. I feel like there’s no pressure to go outside or meet anyone. I cherish my time alone. A morning sport. Breakfast on my own. Ironing all the laundry. The rest is to have a quality time with my self. So much in my head. Wrap all of my books collection with plastic wrap. Start to do the puzzle. Watch DVD. Clean the room etc. And I don’t mind to do those things without companion. But they seems can’t stand to see a girl like me alone. Intitations came. And ended up went out of the house 3 times! While I was feeling like spending all the time at home. But it was fun. A sort of made my day. Well, maybe a little.

It must be the consistency of how my heart works.It continuosly missing you in every minute and every second of its beats. And has never been failed a chance. No matter what I do, full body works like cardiovascular sport, or some useless and sweatless thing like gazing through the window. My heart just won't tolerate. It gives me constant reaction when I hear your name mentioned. Stunned. And the 2 e-mails I found in my inbox by the end of this day has made my days. I could fall asleep with huge smile on my face tonight.

Yes, I will jump wild and free here. Physically I’m without you.
But Emotionally, you are everywhere. The closest thing to my iron lung.

Head Over Heels

Listening to Swing Out Sisters. And I can feel my heart is crashing. Trembling. Once, there was something huge here. Fullfilled. Spilled. And everyone can tell just by looking into my eyes.

Once, there was this huge feeling. In this room. When Somewhere in the World is in the air. I couldn’t believe we’ve ever danced to this song. You took me by the hand. You said, It was something in the way I sway. I kept on humming, “We can make it happen, we can touch the sky…”. We moved together. I burried my head in your stomache. Tried hard to reach you, to feel you, to make you as a part mine. To be with you, without handing you my heart. Never thought that would be the hardest thing to do.

Now, you’re not here. Anymore. And soon, you’ll be moving out of space. You even sung “I’m leaving on the jetplane…” with your soft voice. Literally you’re not moving at all. But I can’t feel your presence. Empty. Cool air. And a prayer that you won’t go away forever.

I looked into the mirror. Is that a reflection of you?

Then, I see a girl with the smile on her face, silly looking bangs, attempting lips and talking eyes. There is something big in her heart. I mean, HUGE.

Here and now
Can’t stop what’s happening
Head over heels and falling helplessly in love
Here and now
Reaching an all time high
Head over heals
In love with life
Here and Now – Swing Out Sisters

I miss having you by my side. although I know you are here. maybe the closest thing to my iron lung.

Minggu - Sabbath - Sunday - Ahad

It’s approximately 15 minutes to start uploading the map to GPS. But let me write this at the first place.

Another lazy Sunday. Never thought I’d feel this way again. But I spent the entire day at that house. Woke up with sounds from Red Hot Chilli Peppers all over it. Cool. Caught the glimpse of ‘Cardigans, Live in London’ dvd and can’t help but screaming. “Yes, we will watch it, Dita.”
The voice of Nina Persson, the sounds of guitar, the sunshine all over the house, me busy with fireworks, he was trying hard to focus on his works, and books all around us. Cups of coffee afterward.

On Monday, my ears only tolerated Cardigans songs. This is the reminiscence of Sunday. Sabbath.
Sorry officemate, you will hear Iron Man over and over and over again.

Nobody will ever let you know
When you ask the reasons why
They just tell you that you're on your own
Fill your head all full of lies
Sabbath Bloody Sabbath – The Cardigans
- especially for Bloody Sunday, even there's no blood at all -

I’m not a liar. I just shouted out to the world the words ‘I love you’ . Though I’ll never confess it to you. I hope the fireworks I made will reveal all..

Surprise me

Five people. Five persons had said that recently I looked different. Am I? They said my face was very bright and I continuosly smile. Someone said that I laughed and laughed and laughed most of the time, even at the silliest joke. They don’t find me pout in distate in the corner anymore. Wow, I never thought I used to do that in the past time.
I know I am that very much expressive girl who’s bad at hiding her feeling. Whatever weighed deep inside of me, you can look at me and you will read me like an open book. Moreever, maybe I am that children book with big pictures and 24 font size that you can read out loud even from a distance. Still I wonder. They know it. They know something’s happening to me though I didn’t realize what it is.
They do sense the intention. The sparkling in my eyes and the shine in my hair. It is obvious.
I laughed when they were telling me those things. Am I? They nodded and I laughed again. Oh yeah, I guess they were right, after all. I laugh too often these days.
Then I looked to the mirror. Hoping to see the reflection of the girl in me.

And I see you, instead.

Love comes like surprise ice on the water,
Love comes like surprise ice at dawn.
- Surprise Ice – Kings of Convenience -

The perfect date

Today is the day.
I know, someday there will be days like this. A moment when I have to convince my self that he is not mine after all. After all this time. After all the days we had. Not the memories that flashes back. Not the picture of him that projected in the front of my very eyes. Not the reminiscence of his sweet lips and his warm hugs. Not the unusual time we spent together, twice in a year. Not the fact that he’s broken up with his girlfriend and I’m not available. Not the fact that I’m single and he’s enganged. Not the fact that we refused to name our relationship. Na. I guess those aren't the facts.
But he told me about a day like this. That I should not be surprised or even betrayed. I know he expects the smile on my face and the sincere prayer for him. I know he doesn’t want any tears involved in this He is so right. Just like he always does. He picks the perfect things on exactly the right time. Good job, millions of opportunity, a great city to live in, good pair of shoes and comfortable places to hang out. He even picked the perfect date for his wedding.
06 06 06

Love is a Big Truth

Just like Pepeng and Lioni once said, “…we always imagined if there was someone special by our side while we were listening to the song…”
Damn.
And the song gets me in the head.

In my mind, it would be like this:
One cozy afternoon. The rain is falling lightly outside. And here I am. A warm room. A blanket. A Couch. The song. And him. He is tall and skinny. His lips are moving slightly, rhyming every words of the songs which he remembers so well. But sometimes the edges of the lips stretched from ear to ear, when he hears me, falsing every notes of the songs. He loves the smile I have on my face, just like I like to do silly things just to make him smile. I laid my head on his lap, burrying my self on pages of a good read, trying to feel his warmth scene. His faded blue jeans, his overworn t-shirt, and his big belt buckle. He is tall and skinny, his skin colour is paler than mine. He looked at my face for three seconds and then stared blank ahead. His long thin fingers began to stroke my hair and made me wish to stop the clock from ticking. He is tall and skinny and stared blank ahead. But I know what is exactly on his mind.
And then he kissed me.

There, I’ve constructed my mind to have a date like that.
But in reality, it would be like this:
One cozy night. The rain is falling lightly outside. And here I am. A warm room. A bluejacket. A Couch. The song. And him. He is tall and skinny, his skin colour is paler than mine. The song.
….
*cencored*
And then ke kissed me.

All I do is sleep all day, And think of you.
A memory of the cushion life
I'm clinging to.
The image of a mutual one, our haven.
The sombre chords of our song, The fading.
Love is no big truth, Driven by our genes, We are simple selfish beings.
A symphony that's you,
Joyously awaking the ignorant and sleeping.
Passion and its brother hate, They come and go.
Could easily be made To stay for longer though.
Many people play this game So willingly,
Do I have to be like them, Or be lonely?
Love is no big truth, Driven by our genes, We are simple selfish beings.
A symphony that's you,
Joyously awaking the ignorant and sleeping.
I'll never need it again.

Love is No Big Truth - Kings of Convenience

Meditative window

It is mysterious.

How I fall in love with traveling. How I enjoy every second of teleporting my self from one place of another, and extent the blink-of-an-eye time into hours riding. I can burry my self in pages of a good reading, if the travelling done by train or plane. Either way, I can sit still and nodded my head of, waiting for the next terminal to come. You might think I am insane, as my favorite part of travelling is gazing through the window.

It is a mystery, how the window on my side can share a thousand story, and gather my million pieces of mind into meaningful points. A good chilling music will be a good companion. That’s why there are always Kings of Convenience and Sting in my MP3 player. They really know how to chase away the loneliness from inside of me, give me space to cherish my self as my self. This kind of activity is a meditative way to cheer me up. Later on, often help me with the decision I have to make. Life is about choices, isn’t it? So, travelling for me, is a good way to determine what part of life I want to play.

I still remember, the the night I spent on a bus riding to Bali. Auntie Audi on my side was sleeping, while I, back to my favorite part of traveling, made friends with the window. I stared forever into darkness, and saw my reflection on the glass instead. That girl just thought and thought and tought. It seems everything in her brain shuffled and at one point, she convinced me that quitting the job, it’s the right thing to do. And she smiled happily.

Today, as this Monday get me in the head, I will keep this in mind. Last travelling. And as a weekender, I might say I had both: tremendous weekend, and wonderful journey. The ride of my life. Although, it wasn’t that yellow volkswagen cab. A ranger, was the answer. 6 hours riding, coast to coast, a friendly driver which gave me continous crash-oh my-crash, a good friend, and laughters and then switched silence.

It is mysterious.
How I cancelled a good day in bed with this kind of activity.

Above: an on and off picture from west coast of Aceh. Just like you, turn me on and off, inside and out.

Am I wry? Oh my! Fallacy

I wrote many posts about ‘akhir pekan’. It’s not like I hate the weekdays. But weekend… This is the time I look forward to made the week. Find a moment, and hope it last. At least in the corner of my brain. If I was in Bandung, origami, Saturday afternoon at JI, the girls, and the crowd would make my days. But, far away from those things, I have to enjoy my Saturday in a different way.

Last weekend was… wonderful. I find my self as my self again. Strecth my lips from ear to ear and sing that song of happiness. Here, along with the people I love.

Beginilah cara membaca cerita the weekenders:

0. Sebenernya diawali dengan perjalanan Banda Aceh – Jeunib – Banda Aceh. Tapi ga ada foto ygreprensentatif. Jadi sutralah. Cerita disini aja. Perjalanan. I always love travelling. Apalagi kalo travelling sambil memandang sunset dari jendela, diiringi lagu Kings of Convenience dan teman mengobrol yg menyenangkan…
1. Bangun pagi karena alarm Doraemon. Gangguin Abah yg semaleman rajin sekali kutak ketik diiringi lagu rock n roll.
2. Menikmati matahari terbit. Panasnya mulai menyengat. Tapi indah… I miss you, Sunrise. You should have been here to enjoy this with me.
3. Mengintip sungai Sarah yang begitu damainya.
4. Ambil ancang-ancang untuk nyebur di Sarah. Jangan heran kalo gw nyanyi-nyanyi Am I Wry-nya Mew melulu. Sarah, now that you’re here… [padahal itu sih Farah, bukan Sarah. Bae ah…]
5. Akhirnya nyebur juga deh…
6. Origami lessons for kids at Lamsenia… Glad to share this with you…
7. Foto KTP
8. Foto KTP untuk di bawah umur… hehehe…
9. Seabis bermain ombak di pantai.
10. Iya kamu ganteng…. ;)

Ride away

If life is a car ride, I don’t want to ride an F1 racing car. With all those red and white square patterns. Fire resistant suit and a big round helmet that makes me look like a sproud. No scenery from the window, everything falls into blurry stripes. The sounds of high speed engine mixed with high frequency wind sound will be the soundtrack. But after all a high adrenaline journey, everything will be worthed as one championship. A champion and a champagne, plus a skinny girl with sexy fake fire resistant suits. The thing is, you’re going… a l o n e. Your time to reach your goals, that counts.

If life is a car ride, I don’t want it to be a Land Cruiser speed racing off road competition, either. So many ups and downs, valley and hill, through and out of the forest. You and your navigator. Just the two of you, ‘cause the number of companion will determine your goal. Bumpy road is the thing for this kind of journey. Bring your System of a Down or same genre group band cassette, cause CD player will tremble for this full of shaking ride. And add some spread of mud to make it all complete. It is, how you handle the situation, how you manage your ride to keep going, and how you concure this mother earth.

If life is a car ride, then I will pick a big yellow volkswagen cab. This journey will be a tale between two cities, and everything in between. There is always a room for everyone, so friends are invinted to join the trip. Choose the destination located by the sea, so you will get a wonderful view. Ocean on your left side and hills on your right side, or vice versa. Bring your guitar, along with laughters, smiles and humming your favorite songs. I will sit by the window, wear my all-over-face sunglassess, and stare excitely to the crushing waves. Imagining my love, my life and what a beautiful word God has created. Live this life to its fullest, this is how you win the battle.

Everlasting smile

Kalo aja ada cowok yg bisa bikin gw senyum begitu lebar hari ini... Membuat matahari terik di atas desa Lambaro Skep juga tersenyum. Dan melukis pelangi di langit yang begitu jernih membiru. Membuat binar-binar di mata gw begitu jelasnya, sehingga semua orang akan berkomentar, “Kamu ceria banget hari ini Dit.” Juga membuat tumpukan cucian terlihat sedikit sehingga pekerjaan mencuci yang tak ada habisnya ini akan gw lalui sambil bernyanyi gembira… Dan tanpa sengaja gw lantunkan lagu itu, lagu Frou Frou yang obviously menunjukkan isi hati seorang wanita dimabuk asmara… Dan diamnya seoarang teman tidak terlalu terasa menyesakkan… Dan tentu saja membuat gw menulis menye-menye di blog lagi…
Iya. Ada kok orangnya.

Dan percaya ga, dia telah melakukan itu ke gw selama sepuluh tahun lebih.

Jangan bilang kasih tak sampai ya. Jangan bilang gw bagaikan punduk merindukan bulan.

Karena apapun yang kalian bilang, gw akan tetap begini. Apapun yang dia lakukan, perasaan ini ga pernah berubah. Telah teruji melalui satu dekade. Bagaimanapun kerasnya dorongan orang-orang agar gw maju, gw akan tetap disini, tak bergeming. Melamunkan tawanya, dan menikmati kebahagiaan itu sampai habis sendiri. Gw ga akan maju.

Karena dia yang akan menghampiri.

Waelah.

Biarin yah…

And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
'Cause I love you no
Can't help but love, you know

Tersenyum selama tiga hari ya neng, janji...

Matahari Terbit dan Temannya

Hey, sunrise…
It’s been raining for three days here. All of my field works collapsed into zero. Although I always bring umbrella and a field hat, but I guess it’s not wise to push all the equipments to work under this gloomy weather. Yeah, all the land is wet and the mud sticks to my croos training shoes, making them as heavy as safety boots. But I promise to keep on going.
I miss you, Sunrise.
It will be nice to have you here. With me. Sharing stories. And laughters. Haha… trying hard to ignore every wind that will give us cold.
Be there, Sunrise. Watching me smile. And paint the sky with our dreams. A wonderful world is, me, clouds, blue sky, layered hills, white sandy beach, green savana, voice of birds, crushing waves, turqouise ocean, and… you. Umm… Is there something missing? Is it a rainbow?

I miss the way you call me nickname. Yeah, that seven color thing. I promise Sunrise, if we are together again, there will always be a rainbow in your sky.

the picture above is a photograph of Saree's sun. And as I remember, I hardly take pictures of scenery except that one above. I'm sure you're gonna love it, Sunrise. It even will make you as a wiser person.

Tiga cangkir kopi di akhir pekan

This served contains: oversized happiness, ton of laughters, huge smiles, one togetherness, multi culture talks, language training, sparkling eyes and something to make your day.

Best served in the morning for 12 persons. Dita, Iday, Nye, Nolland, Michelle, Pat, Tom, Jolin, Iwan, and two IT guys.

This served contains: good buddies, colorful dreams, a vision of a future, unstoppable stories, one meaningful conversation, knowledge exchanges and a thankful note for God for letting us to be here today.

Best served for 3 persons. Dita, Iday and Brett.

Think of that Coffee Shop. Think Happiness. Overloaded.

*kok kyk iklan bgt yah?

Pemimpi Kecil

Seriously, under my conciousness, I’m dreaming about you.

I’m dreaming about the days we had. They would be like… missing-you-in-every-minute… and imagining-hugging-you-here. Hhh… Because, I know, it is impossible to have you near me all the time. The road you travelled would only made you… delicious!!

But then again, I’m dreaming about the days we had. The days of reunited. When you tell me about the past journey. The days when you see the sparkles in my eyes, that appears everytime you speak your brain out. You will never talk about exhausting and tiredness. This life and its journey is always a passion for you. This earth has never been an ending story. Like us.

I’m dreaming about our passion (or, is it mine?) about beaches. And all the coastline we’ve planned to see. The tan in my skin and the iritation you had on yours because of the sunburn. The sprinkles of sand under our feet where we walked hand in hand, making our Tevas as dirty as possible.

I’m dreaming about your laughters. That crunchy and full of happiness sounds. The relieve after a farewell. The way you look at me and all the silly jokes. And please keep in mind, it’s all because of me.

Seriously, under my conciousness, I’m dreaming about kissing your lips.

...
Guess, I’m just a little dreamer who always dreams too big.
...
*heavy sigh*
...

Film Cerita Akhir Pekan

Masih tentang merindu.
Hmmm…
Bandung. Kmaren Bang Untung bilang kota ini TOP. Dan isi koran KOMPAS minggu kali ini ngehe banget. Selasar Sunaryo, the Valley, tulisan Agung Hujatnikajenong, profile Runi Palar, pasar Gasibu… Hhh…

Hhhh… *menghela napas*
Hari minggu tanpa kegiatan yg berarti. Hanya lari pagi, nonton Doraemon dan Dapur Klok Klok (love you, Sogi!), tidur di depan tv, masak makan pagi, tidur depan tv (lagi), bangun gara-gara gempa yg membuat terbirit-birit dan diketawain sama bapak-bapak Rumah Cemara, leyeh-leyeh di kamar, Hilmi dateng, mandi, Boim dateng, pergi deh… ngupi-ngupi di tempat yang disebut Bang Taufik. Gw, Iday, Hilmi, Boim. Tambahan Adun dan dua orang lainnya yg ga gw tau namanya, trus Boim nelp Jun, sehingga Jun dateng bareng Novi. Kemudian Boim nelp Jeffry, sehingga Jeffry bergabung. Karena ada Jeffry, maka Hilmi berkewajiban nelpon Ogek, sehingga Ogek dateng dianterin adiknya. Terus Boim nyuruh gw sms Taufik, sehingga Taufik juga dateng. Ck ck ck… Ternyata gampang juga ya ngumpulin orang sebanyak itu.
Seru juga pembicaraan di kedai kopi sore itu. Dari mulai pembicaraan serius tentang pengadaan barang temporary shelter (yang ini tentu aja Boim dan Adun dan dua orang yang entah siapa), sampai pembicaraan ga penting seperti syarat punya buku paririmbon adalah nyembelih ayam yang kakinya bebas bulu. Tentu aja pembicaraan ga penting ini ada di pihak gw.
Tapi ga ada yg bisa mengalahkan rasa ini. Kangennya gw akan sore-sore di KGU 8. Hhhh… I miss all of you guys. Udah ga bisa dijelaskan dengan kata-kata. Huaaa… Jangan paksa gw untuk menjelaskan disini ya. Kangen ini begitu menyesakkan.
…

Cuman memang gw butuh hari tenang seperti ini. Minggu lalu terlalu hectic. Kedatangan Pak Martin, yg berarti gw harus stay alert dan stay focus. Kerja keras dan menimba ilmu banyak-banyak. Pas banget dengan waktunya Barly ada di Banda Aceh. Siyal. Terus Bobby dari Meulaboh dateng juga. Damn. Walhasil hari minggu kmaren terlalu banyak ajakan untuk main. Ke Sabang bersama Mas Isra. Nemenin Bobby belanja. Ngabisin waktu di Mess BRR. Atau ke Lamsenia nonton Barly muter filmnya. Tentunya gw pilih yang terakhir.
Lamsenia dan rombongan film Barly. Perfect.

Hmm…

Dengan sangat terpaksa gw pasang foto gw dengan Jun di kedai kopi. Sejuta amarah karena semua foto-foto Lamsenia di hari Minggu itu dihapus dengan seenaknya aja sama Panci dari yayasan Puter. Huh! Kalo cemburu, ga usah kyk gitu dong caranya…

And you… You shouldn’t look me in the eye, ok! You know the deal…

Mrindukanmuh...

Akhirnya dengan sangat lemah, saya mengakui bahwa…

Saya merindukan Bandung :(

Hiks hiks hiks….

Dita kangen tidur di atas kasur berseprai Doraemon ditemani boombox kecil kuning yang mengumandangkan lagu Delay setiap paginya…

Iya, Dita kangen teh anget buatan Iyah yang jumlah air panas-teh seduhan-gula dan air dingin, semuanya pas!! Dan lebih enak lagi karena tinggal tereak, “Iyah… teh anget!!!”

Dita kangen juga fallen asleep in front of TV, with the TV on, and the sound creeps into my dream. Trus karena TV Dita udah pake timer, jadi aja within next 30 minutes, TVnya mati. Jadi jangan bilang pemborosan energi ya. Hellow SBY, saya tidak jadi ditilang kan karena tidur dengan TV menyala.

Dita kangen jalan-jalan pake kaos dengan lengan pendek pisan (sampe bulu-bulu ketekku yg lucu ini mengintip dengan malu-malu) dan rok denim dita yg ultra-short-mini-sexy yang beli sepuluh ribuan di Gede bage.

Dita kangen factory-factory outlet sepanjang jl Dago… Tempat Dita menghabiskan waktu menghindari celana dalam beracun dan rok ubur-ubur dan pada akhirnya dengan khilaf membeli kaos-kaos polos dan boxer-boxer anak-anak yang sangat nyamannn…

Iya, Dita kangen rumah di ujung jalan Dago itu… Tempat melipat-lipat tubuh dan berkhayal hingga terbang meninggalkan dunia ini. Kemudian pulang dengan perut sangat lapar dan mata sangat mengantuk dan gelombang kebahagiaan meluap-luap di hati. Helo instruktur ganteng… *tring tring* (tapi sebel dia udah punya istri!! Damn! Shit!! Gw keduluaaannn…)

Iya iya iya, kangen pulang bareng ce besar nan cantik ini. Berdua, melamun sambil duduk di pojokan angkot Riung Bandung – Dago, gazing through the big glass window, as if there is someone who’s waiting for us at the end of the line.

Dan semua orang pasti tahu betapa kangennya Dita menghabiskan Sabtu di tempat ini. Dengan buku-buku, kertas-kertas, origami-origami, anak-anak kecil dan sejuta cerita bersama nona-nona centil (Plus beberapa cowok ganteng berseliwaran tentunya yaaa…)

Huaaaa…

Tapi Dita ga kangen macetnya jalan Kiara Condong dan Buah Batu, sehingga membuat perjalanan Dago – Rumah begitu menyesakkan hati.
Dita juga ga kangen angkot-angkot jahanam yg menerapkan ongkos kumaha urang, padahal standarnya kan diumumin di koran tauk!!!
Dita juga ga kangen kamuuuuhhhh!!! Karena kamu ga ada di Bandung. Adanya di hatikuh. Hahahahaha…

Ini adalah gambaran weekend Dita kmaren. Mengasuh Nolland, bule Kanada, yg ingin memetakan pohon-pohon karena takut pohon-pohon itu di buldozer. Malemnya ngapelin cowok-cowok di Lamsenia.. Ouw, Lamsenia pardon me for so little time there. Missing you, and will always come back to you...

After all...

*nyanyikan dengan nada Cardigan lagi*

After… a day for travelling 8 hours back and forth

After… spending hour seated besides Franky (think twice about having skinny guy as a boyfriend.. but can’t
resist them sow much!)

After… a little scoop of ice cream that ruined everything

After… hanging round with Putri (12), Sinta (11) and Diana (3)… and had fun together

After… long, and raining road back home

After… cold and cuddled in my white jacket beside him

After… keep thinking, why is it hard for me to swallow?

After… hello, I’m sick!

After… two days feeling dizzy

After… high fever and typhus-phobia feeling

After… I know this is that naughty nostril again!!

After… all-i-want-to-do-is-sleep days

After… penicillin that killed my stomache

After… plain bitter for everyfood I tasted

After… two days staring through my windows

...After all…

dancing around with Carnival song

Just two days and I'm feeling free to sing and dance again. Being alone makes this sick stays longer. Ahh.. Sow much healing energy in this city!! And I'm dancing again... Waiting for Abah and Franky who will come and send me my left umbrella. A call to go back home.

I will never know… cause you will never show..
Come on and love me now, come on and love me now..

Ouw, Lamsenia... You got me again!!!

Your new cuckoo...

Your new cuckoo by Cardigans

I saw you there
I stopped and stared
The curly girlie smiled
You really were
Too close to her
And people just went by

I saw your face
And her embrace
Your whisper in her ear
I know the score
'Cause I've heard it before
I read your lips with fear

Your words were clear (you said:)

La-la-la-la-la-la
Let's say forever, let's say it's true
La-la-la-la-la-la-
Let's come together, me and you
La-la-la-la-la-la
Your new cuckoo

Well… I know, I’ve once said “Please hear me out, I’m not over you yet…” And it was true. But, I’ve over you, like sooner is the road I’ve chosen. Today, I am listening to Cardigans again, and this song reminds me of you. Yeah, you still exist in my brain, just like every other guys in my life, but not in my heart. Just read through the lyrics and found out you just la-la-la-la-la-la-la. You and your new cuckoo. La-la-la-la-la-la.

• In other hand…

Ini bukan gw yg ga layak diperjuangkan. Tapi lu aja yg ga layak mendapatkan. La-la-la-la-la-la… Your new cuckoo…

Luna Lamsenia

Luna Lamsenia.
The name is beautiful, isn’t it?

Luna = the moon
Lamsenia = a great place to be

Well, I have a plan to give my child name Luna. But, I already had a nephew with the name, so I don’t think I can make it realize. But, Luna has been my favorite name for all time. Simple. Just like the song, by Smashing Pumpkins, simple and very sweet.

And Lamsenia… I don’t know what I have to say about it. Umm… It’s not like I haven’t been there before. From the first time, I’ve sensed that I’m gonna like the place. Located only a few meters from the sea, separated by dusty street, and filled with great persons. Laughters, and friendly greetings always recall me to be back.

First time, I went there with the crowd. GIS team, Bang Jeffry and his wife, and a team member from Hydronav. So, the fun was in the air that night. People from Yayasan Puter greeted us so well. Served us delicious dinner, and had a long conversation. I mean, long. But I didn’t involved in it, ‘cause I was so busy by the fire, helped serving dinner.

The next time, I went there alone. Well, not exactly by myself. One of Puter’s picked me up. He gave me a ride on his motorcycle for more than 28 km. By the time I arrived, the place was a kind of quiet. But, they greeted me well, and accompany me with smile, laughter, again delicious dinner, a stupid computer game and of course a feeling like home. With the songs Kalangkang, Borondong Garing and all those Sundanesse songs I’ve never heard in purpose while I was in Bandung.

Never tought sleeping in “Ruang Kepala Sekolah” was peaceful. I can hear the sounds of waves and people chattering (to be honest, there’s one voice that I love very much!!!). And woke up because the chickens were shouting out loud. Damn you chicken, I should agree with Adhy to turn you into grilled chicken!!

And in the morning, I went back home. Again, more than 28 km on motorcycle riding. It was one quiet morning. And I didn’t say anything because the view were amazing. Really. You should try this. Motorcycle riding, a crashing waves from Indie Ocean on your left side and the scenery of beautiful mountain on your right side. Now, that’s what I called a gift, a blessed to have a moment like that, even just once, in your life.

But again, the feeling like home in Lamsenia, under the full moon which makes me thanked God for the night. It weighed on my mind for days, Luna Lamsenia.

Hari hari kuning

Selasa 24/01/06 = hari kuning = bahagia
+ training bersama Ririn dan David dari Hydronav… Kembali belajar nyentring!!! “Excellent Dita… Beautiful!”
+ ketawa dan ketawa
+ Lamnesia eh Lamsenia… a great place to be!!!
+ Bakar ikan di Lamsenia…
+ Bernyanyi-nyanyi Piknik 72 dengan gitar sember. Tenang aja Joni, saya akan melunasi utang nyanyi di Lamsenia!! Sealbeum!!!
+ A long journey home…

Jumat 27/01/06= hari kuning = hari bahagia
+ Ke Seulimeum lagi!!!
+ Berjalan jauh… di antara pematang-pematang sawah… asa MAPALAW. Hehe.. waelha!!
+ Ngukur berdua dengan Adi
+ Kecebur sungai, setengah badan basah, tapi teuteup… bahagia dan ketawa-ketawa
+ Mengobrol panjaaaaang… dengan seorang yang tadinya pendiam, tapi at the end of the day bisa tertawa ngakak karena ketololan gw

Selasa 31/01/06 = hari orange = Day of the month!!!
Congratulation Dita and Iday, You two had succesfully completed your first backpack travelling journey. Although it’s only for two days, but for rookies like you, you did it very good. Rrr… missing the first ship trip, you called it good? Don’t think so :D

Seulimeum I Seulimeum II

Minggu ini kyk setan. Hahah. Setan baju ijo di sebelah gw tadi malem. Yang gw cuekin demi cetting dengan my next boy friend. Hehehe…

Dan hari ini gw beristirahat saja di rumah dengan manisnya. Kaos tidur warna ungu, celana ijo kojo gw, dan muka berminyak karena dari tadi pagi belum mandi. Malas bow. Leyeh-leyeh di depan tipi. Kadang ketawa-ketawa sama jokes jayus a la madura. Dan seringnya gw ketiduran aja.

Enak banget hidup kyk gini. Friends. Cowok-cowok di sekeliling gw. Iday yang tetap setia walow dua hari kmarin kita ngerjain hal yang berbeda. Buku yg menyenangkan. Juga tawa-tawa di sekeliling gw. Dikit-dikit ketiduran. Buku yg menutup muka, dan tawa-tawa yang masuk ke mimpi. Enak banget.

Perasaan seminggu ini gw pergi ke lapangan terus deh. Bahkan Sabtu kmaren pun gw ngasih training GPS ke bbrp orang temporary shelter, sekalian praktek collect data di desa-desa. Which means, gw balik lagi ke desa-desa di Lhok Nga. Yah, terakhirnya emang main ke pantai Lhok Nga. Senang.

Tapi ke lapangan itu menyenangkan juga ya. Entah kenapa gw menikmati banget setiap perjalanan dan tarikan napas gw di udara bebas. Hehe. Dan ga tau knapa, hari Jumat kmaren gw tandai dengan warna kuning. Yang berarti, jumat was greatlha!! Seperti juga Selasa, Selasa was greatlha!!! Hehehe… life is greatlha!

Jumat kmaren gw ditugaskan pergi ke Seulimeum. Seulimeum yg deket Jantho tapinya, bukan yang dari bukitnya kita bisa lihat pantai. Kalo ga salah Seulimeum ini dinamain Seulimeum I, dan Seulimeum yang deket pantai itu dinamain Seulimeum II. Kok jadi mirip cineplex ya? Apakah orang Aceh ga kreatif?

Jadilah gw dan Adi pergi kesana. Sampe sana, ternyata mobil kita ga bisa masuk sampe lokasi. “Yuk Di, kalo jalan agak jauh sih. Tapi gw sih kuat kuat aja.” Gw gitu lho, pejalan tangguh. Hehehe… Jadilah kita berdua jalan menuju tanah pak Kecik. Jalan di antara pematang sawah, karena di sini sejauh mata memandang adalah sawah. Indah.

Sempet nyasar juga sih, karena ternyata GPS kita berdua tidak memuat peta daerah Seulimeum sama sekali. Untung Adi yg orangnya lebih cocok jadi GIS officer karena ga disorientasi kyk gw, lead the way dan… sampailah kita ke lokasi. Tapi sebelum sampai di lokasi,…

Aduh gw ngantug uy. Ntar aja ya gw lanjutin lagi kapan kapan. Amiiinn…